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A Coup in Caldofers

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Listen, dear readers, I shall tell you a tale
A story that is as complex as chain mail
A story of a king that a country would hail
With an advisor who wants him to fail
A story of lies, deceit, flattery and betrayal
A story that begins on a boat with a sail


It begins in the middle of the deep blue sea
It begins far away from you and me
You see, this regal king, for a lion was he,
Was sailing away on the waves of the sea
And, his advisor, he was as green as can be
Was a toad that was from the Galilee


Now this boat, sailing smoothly on the ocean blue
Was far away from the country they knew
Which in turn, is far away from me and you
This country and boat on the ocean blue
“O Toad, I have seawater in my shoe
in this sailboat on the ocean blue.”


Now in this country, whose named Caldofers
There is a belief about water in loafers
“If a king and queen gets water in their loafers
the shall give up their royalty and their chuffers
And this is how it was written in the
country Caldofers
This peculiar rule about water in loafers

The lion, however, was a maverick king
Who never planned on doing such a thing
The toad was the only one who saw the king
Get water in his shoe on the ocean blue
And no one believes a toad on any such thing

They sailed back on ‘till they reached land
They sailed ‘till they saw a silver band
For this silver band was the river Shand
Which runs in and out of Caldofers land
At which the king waved his hand
And stepped off the sailboat into the sand


Now the toad, he had gone below
And took a cab to a seedy show
Where scams enticing every Joe
Tricking them so they could know
About them and steal their dough
And here was where Toad discussed his foe


He discussed it to a porker by the name of Lorraine Quiche
Who hailed from a town in the south of France, near Nice
And was famous for liberating dogs from a very harsh leash.
He had a taste for fine foods, mostly French, and most of all, he liked his Quiche
And the reason for toad to come down below was to unleash
The terrible power of Lorraine Quiche

“What do you want, Toady my dear,
I’ve got some cons that you’ll wanna hear
I’ve got some schemes that you’ll wash your ear
After you hear this, Toady my dear
I can cause a disaster, time to stir up fear
For the megerist mice, and I do it all year.”

“Yesterday, I conned a man
Who thought he had a nasty plan
He wanted to pull a ginormous sham
Throughout Caldofers, he said “I can”
And when I was through with him he ran
he ran so far, he ran to Japan”

She said that with a grin as Toad flicked his cane
“Lorraine, you know that’s not why I came!
I came to cause a revolt , for the lion’s mane
Has become a nuisance, it’s really a pain”
“Oh the King, Dearest Toad, I’m afraid that’s insane
But that’s who I am, the king’s down the drain

Lorainne took the assignment and went to go
“Lorraine, I’ve got one more thing for you to know”
Toad said as he pulled out a tattered loafer “Lo
and behold It’s the loafer of our royal foe
and look what’s contained inside the toe
It’s water, so please, this is what you need to show.”




Meanwhile, in his royal palace
Unknowing of his attacker’s malice
Gazing at a bust of Pallas
While petting his gallus gallus
Thinking about how Toad was callous
Sat Lion, reading about Dallas



When suddenly there came a tapping
As of someone gently rapping
And he gazed up from his mapping
Waking up from his catnapping
And he went up to the door, while rapping
A present for his niece, named Kapping.


He opened the door, and with surprise
Let in Toad, who said “Sire, I would advise
For you to give up the crown and reveal the lies
For someone who wants your demise
Has let the news story arise
Of the water in your shoes.” “But why?”

Asked Lion clearly confused
With no idea about who accused
Him of the crime, which could not be excused
For Lion had no enemies and even though he refused
To tell his crime to the public, he cruised
On his popularity. and then he sat there and he mused

And as he mused, why Toad said
“Why sire, some one wants you dead
and that someone might be your son Ned
So don’t give him your crown. I think its time that you fled
And put the town on my own head
So I can guide this country ahead.”

So Lion thought and thought
He thought and thought a lot
He thought and was distraught
And whether he ought
To give the crown to Sir Toad-a-lot
And then he fought just what he sought


“I’ll give the crown to Toad!”

and with that, Lion gave his crown to Toad
and onto him, Caldofer’s crown was bestowed.
While Lion travelled off down the very long road.
So Toad moved in to his new palace abode
And set off on his new increased work load
And put himself in a more serious mode.

Five years had past in the palace gold
And everyone else had gotten old
But Toad was still the king, so I was told
And he, he was not so very bold
For Toad was the king and he would scold
Every last beggar, in the cold.


And when Toad was done with the time to work
He kicked back and slept, his mouth forming to a smirk
But in his Toad dreams, thoughts of Lion still did lurk,
Lion who exclaimed “Toad! Why did you be such a jerk!
Telling my secret to all of Caldofers, now I work as a clerk
In a bank outside of the palace, while you’re the Grand Turk!”

“When I was king, I worked all day
never pausing, never giving way
but look at you, flying to Cathay
you sleep all day and play croquet
it’s been five years, since May
and now the country’s in disarray!


So Toad was wracked with this horrible guilt
He had no time to work on the patchwork quilt
He ran to the place where Lion worked, where he wilt-
ed like a flower. And when he got there to Milt
Bank, he said “I’m sorry, please forgive me I built
A lie against you so please I can’t bare this guilt!”

So Lion was crowned the king once more
And as he was crowned he let out a loud roar
That was heard throughout the land. and a chore
Of cheers rose up from the crowd for
Lion!



Listen, dear readers, I shall tell you a tale
A story that is as complex as chain mail
A story of a king that a country would hail
With an advisor who wants him to fail
A story of lies, deceit, flattery and betrayal
A story that begins on a boat with a sail

A story with a frog so green
A story with a frog so mean
A story with a lesson to glean
A story for a crown with a sheen
A story with a lion so keen
He provides a post for his subjects to lean

But now, dear readers, this story at its end
I hope that I have become your friend
But heed this tale and don’t follow the trend
Of jealous advisors who would make the kings bend
For their way and think of the subjects and spend
Lots of money on which their citizens depend

Thank you, and heed my warning
But please have a pleasant day and a good morning.



THE END





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