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I long for the happiness of yesterday,
all my love is gone.
You left me here wandering alone
yearning for the bright sun of dawn.
I want the peace of tomorrow.
I lay awake in the dark,
crying, wanting, waiting for the pain to end,
but it bites deep like a great white shark.
I strive for my sanity back,
stumbling around blind looking for you.
I’m helpless wanting nothing but love,
Dying slowly forgetting you too.
I hate my life in this world,
wanting nothing more than to end it.
Drawing blood to sooth my thoughts,
blinding me from the memory of your hurtful hit.
I hold the gun to my head,
Thinking of how they hate me,
Their mocking words echoing in my head.
I steady my hand ready to set myself free.
I stop to think, which is what I should to do.
What was I leaving behind?
What would be the point in living?
Your voice filled my mind.
I need you; this world doesn’t know what it’s missing, he said.
I clung on to every word,
Wishing it was true, wanting you here.
Your voice was kind but absurd
I didn’t want to listen any more but I couldn’t stop.
I wanted you back but it wouldn’t happen.
What was I going to do?
I wanted to die but I was told to live.
I’m so confused
Teetering on the ledge of life and death,
to die or to stay alive in this hell?
Would I be breathing my last breath?
I can’t see my life beyond these four walls,
there is nothing lift for me outside.
You left me this world is against me.
I just want to die!
I took my last breath,
closed my eyes,
I heard the shot and felt nothing,
because not everyone lives but every one dies.
I opened my eyes,
And saw a blinding light.
One side was Heaven the other Hell.
Something did not feel right.
I heard the cries and shrieks of the dammed,
and the songs of praise of the saved.
All sound faded with each step
The road beneath lay paved
I walked up to the desk.
The sight made my legs go numb,
a noble man clad in white.
I stumble forward felling dumb.
I stood before him and he looked at me.
His face was full of hope,
like he had been waiting for me.
It seemed all too real, how was I to cope?
I asked where I was
and he said the judgment place.
I had never believed in an afterlife,
my breath came in great gasps like I had run a great race.
I told him my name,
Like magic the book on the desk flipped opened.
I saw myself looking back at me,
Was that really me that face in the page?
I stood staring as he silently read the page.
Where was I going?
Where was I destined to stay for all eternity?
I can’t stand not knowing.
I waited for his response but none came.
I was holding my breath
Would he just say something!
His silence was scaring me literally to death.
Where am I going, I shout
Where am I placed, would you just tell me!
He closed his eyes and muttered something.
I’m not sure, he sighed not looking at me.
I stood there stunned.
The blood left in me drained from my cold body.
I’m sorry he said slowly.
It took my brain a moment to become unspotted.
What do you mean, I asked.
You don’t belong anywhere, were his words.
It was just like on earth,
even in death I didn’t belong, not even with the birds.
I still sit in purgatory.
I saw my two year old brother pass through just now,
He’s an old man and I’m still young.
I wish I could go with him, but I don’t know how.