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How I Slew Geometry
Fair Calliope, muse of literature, smile on us!
We offer you adventures and fables!
We offer you stories and tales!
Wise Calliope, muse of literature, smile on us!
We offer you a tragedy of a warrior, nearly killed by a monster.
Lo, the maid, torn by her work, has lost her head!
Oh, what sadness! What tragedy!
She wrecked her mind, ruined her will!
Now she hardly wakes, poor girl!
They call me Diana, oracle, writer of failed tales.
Torn and worn by the day, I lay on the bed, fallow.
Oh woe, oh woe!
The gods scream in my ears!
They never cease to reminisce of how I’ve lost my mind!
What insidious tricks!
What malevolent plans!
They have forsaken me. They left me to a test;
a test with a beast, a malevolent monster,
a conniving creature with three hideous heads-
The beast watches me, knowingly, sinisterly,
as I climb the mountains, half-starved without a meal.
Aye, this artist conquered many a beast.
She overpowered the demons
who wanted her dead before she made it into Tech.
But none prepared her for this.
This, which would kill me, this which will compromise my status!
Into the den, the soldiers and I stroll.
This multi-headed beast, luckily at first, was at rest, but at present,
I should have known best.
It opened its yellow eyes and started to roar!
No mercy would it show!
No compassion, no humanity!
In its talons were triangles of the sharpest kind,
to kill and destroy, and leave our bones to grind.
Tear, slash! Splish, splash!
One cut my arm wide open.
As the red residue dripped out of me,
it hurled another one right after the other.
Geometry threw me to the wall,
gleeful in watching me suffer.
I hoped the Gods would show mercy,
and let me live for at least three more weeks.
Knowing I was out cold, it reached out its talons
in a sadistic attempt to make me into lunch.
Before I could witness my own demise,
I surrendered myself to darkness;
the darkness of slumber.
I woke up, my arms tied in bandages.
How was I here, in this cave of papers?
Who brought me away from Geometry?
And there she was, the Sage of Mathematics.
So the Gods did feel some lick of mercy after all.
“Diana, there is only one way to defeat this beast.”
“How?” I asked her, “Wouldst thou tell me what to do?”
“To tame Geometry, Diana, thou must travel the world.”
“But how will it help? It seems you’re suggesting I run away.”
“Aye, but you will find formulas and rules to tame the creature.
It will cease to exist when you memorize and follow them.”
So here I am now. My personal effects were already stored away.
Tomorrow, I depart. My arms and leg, still sore from the previous fight,
will hopefully not distract me in my flight or bring me my plight.
Is the Sage of Mathematics lying to me? Is she on the monster’s side?
If she were, my death will rest on her head. What torment! What nightmares!
I can not live with treachery, nor with people who practice it.
Hopefully, with her, I am not mistaken about taking the voyage.
Like Odysseus and Jason before me, I shall try to come back in one piece.
But supposing Geometry stalks me? It can not swim, can it?
For two months, I sailed the seas until I knew more.
Zeus and Poseidon did not make this voyage pleasurable.
They threw their thunder bolts and made the sea riotous,
but at last, at long last, I came up to Geometry alone with my two feet.
“Give me your worst, you foul beast! I am not afraid of thee anymore!”
Before I could say more, it hurdled a triangle, but with new wisdom,
I made my plan and sliced it into four pieces with my sword.
Terrified of my new-found knowledge, it fled,
and I have yet to be the ultimate victor.