The phone plummets to the floor, my grasp failing as my hand goes limp with shock
Her voice, seeping regret, flashes through my mind; all other thought ceasing instantaneously
Her words, cruel as the world we harbor, haunt my every thought
Whispering murmurs of death and despair unto my heart and soul

My knees buckle and I topple, lying crumpled on the floor, feverish tears staining my cheeks
I hear her voice in the background, trying to comfort me with words of hope and meaning
Well, my life had no meaning now
I couldn’t afford to lose her; losing her is losing part of me

I could feel the tears coming faster now, thickening, leaving streaks of sorrow on my cheeks
I reached for the phone, tremors coursing through me, violently jostling my frame
After a few moments and my sobs weakened, she asked me if I was alright
I felt a new wave of anguish flow through me, my mind in complete chaotic distress

The tears came easier now, not as fast though, with more emotion staining my crumpled face
Each one searing my skin as it rolled down my cheek, my jaw line, dripping off my chin
After the violent shaking subsided, I checked myself in the mirror
I was a complete and utter mess

My hair was disheveled from smothering my face in the pillows
Attempting to subdue my sobs, though that attempt was futile
My eyes showed the anguish I was feeling, the disownment I had feared all along
My cheeks were red and tear streaked; my body aching from the heaving sobs in my chest

I couldn’t stand to look at myself any longer
So, I take to my bed, clutching a pillow tightly to my body, replaying the conversation in my head
Every word tortured my thoughts, each one tearing a new scar in my already broken heart
The memory was forever branded into the back of my mind, weaved into my being

Never letting me forget…
“I’m so sorry, Oscar,” she would tell me
“I never meant for this to happen, I just don’t think its right to you
I mean, I love him too…”

Feeling the scars in my battered heart singe, I knew the tears would be coming soon, again
I stared at the ceiling for a long time, not really seeing anything
I thought about God, and if He’d care if I’d killed myself that night; life was meaningless now
“Why don’t you just take my life now, God? I’ve already lost everything,” I whispered, breathless

The evening dragged on as I watched the shadows dance ominously across the walls of my room
Figments of my imagination haunted me, phantoms of the night playing tricks on my mind
A cool, spine-chilling air filled the room then---Satan, I feared, stalking me in the shadows
And finally, as my body cooled with the chilling air, I fell asleep, restless, blinded by tears