Hurts When

March 28, 2009
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IT hurts when
I talk.
Because my voice
Is different than theirs.

It HURTS when
I walk.
Because my step
Is different than theirs.

It hurts TO
Look in the mirror,
Because the face that you see -
The face that I see
Reflected in your eyes
Is ashamed.
Please don't BE ashamed of me.
Please don't be disappointed in me.
Please don't hate me, be disgusted with me.
Please hug me, hold me.
Love ME.
Be proud of me,
Proud of what this means,
What I will become,
Who I am.

Please be proud of YOUR SON.

It hurts when
I think about it.
Because when I think about it,
It hits me all over again.
Again and again,
Like a brick wall, a smack in the face, every time:
I'm DIFFERENT.

And it hurts
To realize that
Because of that,
Because I'm different,
I will be ridiculed all my life,
Ostracized by society.

It hurts when
I hear the jokes,
The taunts, the teasings,
The snide remarks, the rude comments.
It really hurts.
Like a knife,
Stabbing me in the stomach
Every time I hear it.
I mean, is that really necessary?

It hurts when
You DUMB F****
Feel the need to
Cop a feel
Because you think it's funny.
Well let me tell you
Something:
IT IS NOT FUNNY.
It really gets old.

It hurts when
My friends look on,
Look by,
Look over,
CAN'T do anything,
WON'T do anything about it.
The hugs don't help,
The prayers won't help
To stop the tears.
The anger.
The hurt.
It hurts like a hole inside of me.

It hurts when
I dream.
Because I dream
Of being normal,
Conventional.
LOVED.

It hurts when
I sit there,
Lay there,
With tears rolling down my face.
Because it hurts so much
I lay curled up,
In a tight ball,
Trying to hide within myself,
To keep my pieces together.

It aches when
I CRY,
I SCREAM,
I make myself throw up.
But there's nothing left
In me.
Of me.

I need to go cry.





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