The rain is falling. Cold, icy droplets of rain sting my face, my arms. The rain mirrors my mood. Each stinging drop of rain is a reminder of what I should’ve done, what I should’ve said. My regret fills the air, making it denser and gloomier. If only I had spoken the truth sooner, before it was too late. If only I had been braver, if only I hadn’t been afraid. If only, if only. But now I know the truth, now I know why. And betrayal stings more than regret. The darkness is infinite; I’m spellbound by the mystery of it all. Tears fall from my eyes, warm compared to the rain. I think back to that day, when I told you, when my world came crashing down. I was a year too late, a year too slow. If I had been a year faster, if I had been a year braver, I wouldn’t be here, all alone, the rain my only companion. I still hear your voice; I still remember the feeling of having everything ripped away from you, of being all alone. It only took one word, one word shattered the precarious, fragile bubble my world was. All it took was one word, and the bubble popped, and I along with it. No. No, no, no. The word repeats itself in my mind, the word you said to me, the world that ripped away my safety, my happiness, my everything. How could you? How could you be so cold, so insensitive, so blind to my pain? Did you not see me fall; did you not see me crushed? Did you not even care the littlest bit about me? Or were you oblivious to all of this pain, all of this hurt? My pain seems as big as the entire world; it seems like an ocean of hurt. Never again will I be so blind, never again will I fall without thinking, never again will I place my trust in someone who hasn’t proven themselves worthy. Never again will I wait so long or be so afraid. But now it doesn’t matter. You said what you said, I said what I said. I regret waiting so long, but the past is the past and I can’t change it.
March 25, 2009