As I look in the mirror each morning, all I can see is a lost, broken girl staring back at me
It was in the sixth grade
When he was my sitter and then my friend
He started getting too close
He came in when I showered
Laid with me in bed
And even rubbed my thighs
Even though I said I didn’t like it, he kept on
He started sitting me in his lap when talking to me
I tried to inch away, but he always drew me closer
His ‘compliments’ strip my dignity
The medicine he gave me that night made it hard to get up in the morning
He said it was for headaches, but I never had any
I remembered what had happened the night before, although I don’t think he knows
I still hear his voice
I wish he could see the scars and pain he left behind
His name is Richard
Knowing that a family member might have known
There for a while, it left me broken and exposed
I never said the word, but I tried to describe what happened
I tried until I realized that I would never be heard
When I went to see the only people who ever listened, I began to tell my story
I tried to beg them not to tell, that maybe it was just a dream
They told anyways and they protected me
I hope he hates the fact that I had the courage of speaking up
Now that time has passed and it has mostly been forgotten by others, we had another problem
Last year a family member rubbed my thigh
I cried and told my step mom what had happened
She told me to never speak of it
Dad came downstairs
And made fun of it
He grabbed himself all over and yelled at me trying to make me feel embarrassed
Tried to force me to keep my mouth shut
Punished me when I told the school
Disowned me when I wouldn’t let it go
I don’t think I ever received more emotional bruises than I did that night
Now they’ve all left to move on without me
But don’t worry, I’m picking up the pieces with hardly anyone by my side
Getting hurt very young, left a permanent mark
My childhood pain still haunts me in the dead of night
My mental cage keeps replaying it all like a drive-in movie screen, for all to see
For that is why, I will be a child advocate or something in law
I will always speak for them even if we stand alone
I don’t want to be that monster that never did anything like the ones in my past
To be such a young victim of something so wrong
A child, so young, who was sexually abused