I obligingly betray myself, to feel slightly more at ease. The nature of all societies is to surrender one’s self to a greater collective. And only in isolation and in love can we see ourselves, and truly be, ourselves. It is in this knowledge that I must throw myself through the hell of isolation, only to stay alive, and prove that I am in fact. While I can stay in a coma, for awhile, it feels as if a knife is through me every second. And I can only stand with so much pain. I am not breaking away for a greater cause, but only to cure this pain, and see clearly, love. One must go through hell to reach paradise. I would rather live a life of infinite sorrow and one hour of love, than a life of moderate sorrow, and there is no such thing as moderate love. I am not breaking away, however, in a traditional sense, I am simply going to ignore society and its demands. And I will try and bare the worst, and ignore the promises of only moderate pain, and like a dog, fight my leash till the very end. I say I will, make such a grand attempt, but only once one has felt the isolation I have, they cannot say that it is an easy path. For there is nothing but reward down the other path, pure reward, the pain lessens as you get older, you get your laughs, you live healthy, you can live in the world. However down the other path, there is a reward of aether. You finally, lay yourself down in a snow covered field, and stare across a frozen lake and mountains in the sun. You see such brilliant reflections, you have seen the very center of existence itself. Life is but a method in which you can experience such awe for a bit longer. For I have, at times, lived long enough to see such sights, not as pretty things, but as indescribable things, things that rot the very core of every belief you've ever had. And it is beautiful. I will stop betraying myself, because, these are the things I love. I will suffer not just the force of a knife, but a bastard sword ripping through me with the force of every man I know. And here and there, a cloud will blow by an abyss, and I alone, will be in awe.
March 19, 2009