Free Fall

March 16, 2017

I held on tightly but my weight began to become too much to bare,
If I gave up and let go would anyone really care?
My spine was the trunk, my hair the flowing tops of the trees,
I kept on fighting but eventually the mass brought me down to my knees


“Don’t give up” they’d say, “you have so much to live for” they’d holler,
Told me to lift my head up and maybe I’d feel just a little bit taller
“Fake a smile” they’d whisper, “come on it can’t be that bad” they’d insist,
Little did they know inside I was fighting just to exist


This self deterioration began a very long time ago but I kept it discreet,
Depression is like a vacation, a place where sadness and casted away thoughts begin to meet
I always feel like I’m running yet I never know where
All I know is that if I stand still for too long, the memories come and my heart begins to tear


I wish I could erase these thoughts so maybe I wouldn’t feel so empty
I never give in but all the outside forces and drug escapes seem to tempt me
I never knew that staying strong would be so hard
But the feelings swelling up inside of me are nearly impossible to just disregard


I spend so much time wondering why I can’t help but falling apart
Why everytime I smile it’s out of obligation not truly from my tender heart
Why people tend to lie and leave after promising they’d forever stay
Why every single morning I have to mentally prepare myself to get through the day


Most times I find myself wondering what it’d be like to love myself and to change,
Other times I find myself wanting to discover what it would feel like to rearrange
My life, my emotions and the posters I have hung so delicately on my white wall
Today I decided to fight, to escape, and to prevent yet another traumatic freefall

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