Fears

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My feelings I locked away up tight
hidden from more than just you
I know it's wrong but i pretend it's right
too much I've gone through.
My fear overrules all
my heart has no say
I'm scared but I would rather fall
than run in the direction of the toll I must pay.
No one knows why I hide
because no one knows I do
disguised with a mask on the outside
but designed to be who?
I fear to think
because of all the questions I find
down lower I sink
into the disarray of my mind.
I myself wonder why I run
from feelings & truth, from me & from you
instead of following my path towards the sun
the farther back I flew.
Farther & farther back I'm slinking
finding new ways to avoid my pains
I begin to fear blinking
for each new tear it ordains.
I fear feeling
because I fear where it will lead
I have no hope for healing
because of the people who make me bleed.
Deep inside a wilted flower
the part no one can see
for it ony gives them power
power over me.
The two I love most
the two I let in
betrayed the host
lusting in their sin.
The cause of my hurt
the center of my pain
all just an insert
in my struggle to remain sane.
I can't run away
that leaves no way out
they'll never stop their foray
and I can't completely stop up the spout.
The one part the leaks
the one connected to them
I can only hope no one peeks
because that tear I cannot hem.
I'm sorry if you don't understand
my fears make it hard to express
I no longer need your lended hand
because in truth, no one can make the depression less.





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