February 28, 2009
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Standing alone in a crowded room. Hoping to catch a glimpse of the one I left behind.
Anticipating the pain that will wash over me, shaded lightly with a trace
of regret. Awaiting the lack of interest you give me on a daily basis. So conspicuous,
yet so invisible. If I'm lucky there will be a passing glance in my future.
Wondering how our treasure came to be on the ocean floor, waiting to be
discovered by another young soul, one more innocent and worthy than I.
Could here be any hope?
Could there be apologies to be made?
From both sides because I know I have wronged you as well.

And what if neither of us makes the first move?
We might wind up in a time freeze where there is no end and no beginning.
Spinning around for eternity until the world decides to have mercy on me and deems it time to end.
Could there be any hope?
Could I last that long?
Eternity seems like an awful long time to be spent alone. Trapped near the one you love, but not able to be with them. That seems like the most sinful crime of all.

Of course, I know all about sin.
No Hester Prynne am I, but I too have committed shameful deeds that will be branded on my chest forever.
Living objects that I will carry by my side throughout the day.
Memories that will haunt me 'til my dying day.
Could there be any hope?
Could I ever heal?
And turn out a stronger woman as she that put the past behind her and
marched out into the world with such pride and integrity that she unknowingly commanded respect. Strong, courageous, determined. All these things and more.
All these things of which I lack.

Because of my shyness and weakness this means that I will never get up the courage to do what I know in my heart to be right.
And, perhaps, for the same reasons, neither will you. Both stuck in our comfort
zones, we are doomed to walk the path that destiny has freshly paved for us
due to recent cowardly actions. Witty love quotes line my notebooks and walls.
I admire them but for all they shout encouragement, they fall on deaf ears.
Could there be any hope?
Could I put aside my imperfections?
So here I stand with my white flag of truce I have made from my pillowcase
that has been drenched with my tears from all those nights I cried myself to sleep.
As I see your lovely silhouette in the distance, I think
Could there be any hope?
Could I gather up my valor?
I take a deep breath, put on my most winning smile, and walk towards you.

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