Never Stops

January 22, 2009
By Amber Carnley, Lakeland, FL

I can’t stop thinking of that night,
It seems the pain never stops,

It haunts my every thought at times,
Relived through every tear that drops,

Sometimes you make me feel good,
Sometimes you make me feel used,

But a heart that’s meant to love,
Can only take so much abuse,

Do you take my love for granted?
I feel afraid to ask-

The courage never comes,
For what should be an easy task-

Is it because I know you don’t?
And that’s not what I should believe?

Or is it because you do,
And I’m too afraid you’ll leave-

I give you so much,
Yet ask for nothing in return,

Empty appreciation leaves my heart
To yearn,

When you hold my hand,
Of all things I shouldn’t be confused-

Yet I find myself wondering,
What’s in this for you?

Is this to show you love me?
Is this a sign of affection?

Is this to show you’re there for me?
That you’ll be my protection?

Or is this to show that I belong to you,
As if I am your possession-

Am I of your disposal if I don’t follow directions?

I feel I have to ask permission,
Like a little girl and her dad,

And if you say no, it doesn’t happen, oh well,
That’s too bad-

When will I get my turn if you want to play this game?

When will I get a turn to be loved?
When will I get a chance to blame?

Maybe I’m wrong, maybe you love me the same and I
Don’t know it,

But if that’s the case,
You have a bad way of showing it-

What happened to the boy I fell in love with?
The one who treated me like gold?

Maybe he’s still in there,
Or maybe that love was sold,

Sold with age, or sold to her,

The demon that stole you from me,
When she knew it hurt,

Does she have that love?
The love that was once mine,

Or is the old love still in there,
Like jewelry needing a shine,

Because if I could get that love to come back and shine,
No matter what it takes,

I’d live the rest of my life to keep it that way,
No matter how high the stakes-
I wish I could stop thinking of that night,
That it could be gone from my mind,

I wish the memory would drown,
Taking the pieces left behind,

So that I could be myself,
And be the girl you know I can be,

But as the thought floods back now,
I realize I’ll never be free,

My eyes water from the memory,
And another tear drops,

As long as you don’t love me like you used to,

The pain never stops…

The author's comments:
If this piece touches you, you're probably in a rough spot like I was when I wrote this. But like all things sooner or later, you gotta leet it go. That is what I had to do, and now I am much happier. These things do take time though. Just keep your head up. Forgive and forget...

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