I approach my closet and open the door.
The silky blue dress is lifeless in the back.
My mom walks by and says “what are you waiting for?”
I’m trying to gain the confidence I lack.

I slide the dress on and zip it up.
The image in the mirror is not one I wanted to see.
I look as helpless as a newborn pup,
And as stiff as a sequoia tree.

I leave the room in tears,
And walk down the stairs.
It’s embarrassing to let my family see my fears,
But today, my well-being is not one of their cares.

No one notices no one even tries.
They’re walking past me like I’m an invisible wall.
I try to make them hear my cries,
But no one wants to see my tears, no one at all.

We get in the car and sit in silence.
The engine sounds like a bull’s roar.
I can’t understand why no one is tense.
This pain is wearing me to the core.

We arrive at the place I hated the most.
The car jerked to a halt and made me lurch.
My reflection in the mirror shows a white ghost,
As I walk towards the imposing church.

The huge door opens on a gust of air.
My nana is there all alone.
Candles and incense burn everywhere.
My mother starts to shake in moan.

I don’t want my nana to be in that box.
She’s by herself and might be scared in the dark.
Pretty soon she’ll lie with soil and rocks,
But then I remember she left her mark.

Nana made us always say thank you and please.
She said “sit like a lady and walk tall.”
I think of this as I pray on my knees,
And then I’m pretty sure I hear her call.

Don’t be scared, for me, I’m happy here.
That’s not me you see lying there.
I’m at peace and there is no fear.
I’m in hands that love and care.

I’m still sad but feel better now.
My nana is in the best place she can be.
The hurt will end someday, somehow.
I’m just selfish because I wanted her here with me.