Poetry i wrote

November 17, 2008
By Nur Turkmani, Tripoli, WV

Remember that day,
When we walked on a sandy shore,
The sun was so bright,
It was the opening of our door.

No one else mattered,
It was just you and me,
To hell with anyone else,
It's just both of us walking by the sea.

You slipped that necklace around my neck,
I hated how it looked,
But it meant the world to me,
and my heart pounded and shook.

I was over at my mothers house yesterday,
Searching for a pen,
Something colourful caught my eye,
It was that necklace from a lot of years ago, about ten.

I screamed, I twitched, I cried,
Oh I miss you so,
It's been a long while,
and even though we fought you're not my foe.

I've kept it with me,
Yes I have,
Even though you're married,
I won't forget our love.

Just don't forget me,
I know I'll never,
And I'm ending this letter to you by saying,
I'll love you forever.

The author's comments:
i wrote this, in hope that i would get feedback of opinons since writing is something i enjoy very much, yet unappreciated.

Similar Articles


This article has 3 comments.

on Aug. 17 2017 at 6:56 pm
Realjay41 DIAMOND, Culpeper , Virginia
81 articles 1 photo 91 comments
It's a very good piece!

on Nov. 4 2010 at 1:31 pm
NothingButAli GOLD, Silver Lake, Indiana
11 articles 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The best things in life are better left unseen. that's why we close our eyes when we cry, kiss, and dream"- Anonymous

i think the point of the sixth stanza, Is that its jolting to show that the shock of missing him. it wouldnt be a great poem without it.

on Feb. 26 2010 at 12:47 pm
Philip_Hart BRONZE, Olathe, Kansas
2 articles 0 photos 15 comments
I'll give you feed back. :) Okay, first: your first three stanzas are wonderful. I wouldn't change them. The last line of the fourth one is a bit awkward sounding, though. I would try to cut down the syllables you use there. Perhaps you could cut out the "a lot of" and for style you could put the "about ten" in a fifth line. The last line of your fifth stanza is also just a little long for the flow. The sixth stanza is a bit jolting because it doesn't follow your other rhyme schemes. That's okay, as long as you really like it to stick out like that. The last stanza is beautiful. Keep up the good work. I hope this was helpful to you. Oh, and if you wouldn't mind, could you read, critique, and rate my writing? Thanks so much! :)

GingerJoy3 said...
on Jan. 26 2009 at 1:33 am
One word: Beautiful.

I can't believe anybody wouldn't appreciate this. It was great to read, and I was drawn in. Keep up the good work.

Parkland Book