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SENIORITY

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There's something about this time of year,
that drives most of us absolutely mad,

some mad with impatience, some mad with stress, and others mad with anticipation.

Hearts and minds feeling somewhat effortlessly disjointed 
as we are fighting to hold on and struggling to let go,

searching for something that maybe, 
we are too afraid to find.



Maybe it's the fact that we don't know anything about what our futures hold anymore.

Our lives now seem like a timeline where the notches have abruptly ended,

and all that's left is a blank line for us to fill in as we go.

Some of us are staying close by, 

blessed with the knowledge that they will always have their comfort zones near.

Others are going far away, 
throwing themselves into the deep end without a lifesaver near by;

what is it that they're running from, we subtly wonder.
Maybe it's nothing,

maybe things have just gotten too frighteningly routine,
maybe they'd rather face the unknown
than deal with the overly familiar.

We'll never really know.



As we order our caps and gowns,

sit through our endless senior assemblies,

and plan our last hurrahs for the year,

i think about what graduation will be like; 

i think about a bitter-sweet end of everything we know.
As i sit in my chair at graduation i will look to my left,
and see the first girls i cheered with,

i will gaze to my right,

and see boys who have cornered me in rooms at parties,

i will look around and remember that the same girl i didn't like the looks of in the hall three years ago,

later came to my rescue and may have saved my life.

i will see my most infamous ex receive his diploma and remember that long ago,
i thought i'd never talk to him.
i will recall that the same girl i used to make fun of, 
became my most sincere and genuine friend.

and i will see the girls i graduated from elementary school with,

walk onto stage and eagerly take the rolled up piece of paper that will ensure our eminent separation.

my frantic eyes will dart around the faces of the people i've come to know for the past four years 

and i will think,

it is time for this to end. 



There are too many sticky kisses to not want to remember, 

too many dramatic fights that have ended in tears and headaches,

too many forgotten friendships that can never be salvaged, 

and too many butchered relationships saturated with rumors,

for any of this to continue. 



Sure they like to tell us, time heals all wounds. 

But what about the scars those wounds leave behind? 
Time can't do anything about those.

Wherever we end up, 

They're always going to be there, 

etched into our skin, hearts, and memories, 

tear stains that never really fully fade. 

But time inevitably does go on,
wether we want it to or not,

and as our scars settle,
we learn to live with them, 

either painfully or beautifully.



And as i still sit, 
reminiscing about all the wounds, scars, and memories these four years have graced me with,

i will listen to our gray haired principle announce to the cheering crowds,

'the class of 2009'

and i will rise from my chair,
with a mix of seniority and senioritis in full bloom,
throw my hideous tasseled cap high into the air,

and watch it linger for that one picturesque moment 
with everyone else's in a sea of royal blue,
under the bright stadium lights.

as i think that today does not mark the end, 
but only another cautious and fragile beginning,

and another notch on our briefly paused timeline.



and finally the legendary words 
that we have been tormented with since freshmen year,

will all make some semblance of sense,

and we will momentarily ask ourselves,

"Why were we here?" 



And we might,

just might,

FINALLY know the answer.





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Philip_Hart said...
Feb. 26, 2010 at 12:53 pm
Wonderful poem. I could feel everything you wrote. But I do think you should try to find a way to get rid of the symbols. I'm not sure if your computer did it, but that was the only thing that made it hard to read and keep up with. Also, capitalize your "i"s please. It is a really good poem. Keep it up! oh, and if you don't mind, would you please look at my writing and critique and rate it? Thanks so much, :)
 
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