In second grade, a boy stole a necklace from his older sister
and gave it to me.
He told me he liked me; I said thank you.
He got me a valentine and flowers; and asked me to go out with him.
I said yes.
But the flowers had a bee in them; and it stung me.
I told him we had to break up.
My very first relationship lastedabout ten minutes.
But in second grade; that was historic.

Matt Bagley was my first crush.
The first boy I sought out. Then he moved away. I was heartbroken.
Six years later; he came back. And we laughed about it.

The first sign of my impending womanhood was fifth grade sexual education.
Poor Mrs Terry couldn't say penis; and Hillary and I couldn't stop laughing.
But afterwards. When I realized the valuable information I had just recieved;
I looked at my dear friend Alec in a whole new way.
I saw him as a boy for the first time.

Then of course there was the first bra.
I hated it. It got in the way when I went to climb things.
And it reminded me of wearing a wet bathing suit under your clothes
in the summer. But after a while, I got used to it.
It was only the beginning of the things I'd get used to.

Then, middle school. Suddenly it mattered what I looked like.
It also mattered when I didn't get my period and all the other girls did.
Now, it seems pretty gross that girls were happy about it.
Trust me boys; it's nothing to celebrate unless the BC failed.
It made me realize things were going to change.

I got mine on Thanksgiving.
It wasn't all that exciting, actually. I didn't even tell anyone.
But I realized that I was in the club.
And that made me feel good; to belong.
And it did change everything.

I've always liked boys; they just made me nervous.
All the other girls were getting first kisses;
and talking about it constantly. I thought about making up one
a story I mean, just so they'd quit asking me.
But on Kate's thirteenth birthday, I got mine.
And all I can say is that I was unimpressed.
Afterwards, I wiped my mouth on my sleeve and told Kate
I was going to need some mouthwash.
Not much has changed, really.

I grew up the day my Aunt brought me a copy of
Our Bodies, Ourselves.
Otherwise known as the Sexpedia.
Too many diagrams.
I hid it for a few years; then referred to it like it was a pocket dictionary.
That's why you should never throw anything away.

I've always been weary of boyfriends.
I've had a lot of male friends; but we're more like siblings.
But there was one boy who had my heart;
long before I knew it was mine to give away.
Our relationship might have moved slowly;
but we were consistent.
I felt that fluttery, jittery happiness everytime I saw him.
And we could talk about anything.
We'd take long drives at night; listen to the radio;
look up at the stars and play the
Where Are We Going? game.
Like, where will I be in ten years?
We used to think; well, if we get married, we should start thinking
about what to name our kids;
it was only fun because it was ironic;
we both knew we would never marry;
we knew kids weren't in my future anyway;
and we never did agree on a single name.
But we didn't work out for the reasons we should have;
he was growing up to.
and realizing he wasn't who he was when we started dating;
four years ago.
instead; we were going to have to settle as friends;
something I'm still not completely content with.
But hey; you can't have it all.
But the one thing that is mine is the times we shared;
the truth was tough;
but I wouldn't change a day;
neither would he.
you never forget your first love.