It's not true!
I can't believe it, won't!
You're not gone, you can't be...
remember all those years ago,
the promise you swore you would keep?
You swore you wouldn't leave me!
I didn't believe you, of course not - we were both deluded by our own imaginations and empty words.
You would leave me one day, i knew...
But like this? Did it have to be like this?
Leave me with these memories that seem to be etched in my mind until the forever autumn that will come again?
It was autumn, that day. Remember?
When we were playing at the edge of the rock pool, at the beach. A nice calm day. Carefree, i thought.
We thought.
How wrong and misguided that was. Somwthing was bound to happen.
You being that magnet for trouble, practically radiating waves of misfortune.
Ironic that it got the better of you.
I was watching the sun, and you were in a playful mood. You ran.
Taunting me, 'you can't catch me, you can't catch me, you can't catch me!' You ran to far. Away from the beach, and away from me.
'You can't catch me, you can't catch me!'
You were right, I couldn't. You ran too far. Up the cliff, and tottering at the edge. Slipping and falling, slipping and falling.
The peircing scream you let out when you hurtled off was punnishment enough. Did you have to die too?
And leave me, and break your promise? Did you have to die?
I was weak to let you go. To stare after you, lke this was a dream and would wake up. That I would be at your house, and I would tell you what was wrong.
That we would both laugh.
But I was wrong.
It hurt to much to cry.
The pain was dull. Numbing me like it didn't matter. I wanted it to hurt more. More.
...
Everyone misses you, you know? We still think about you. You were only 9. Me, too.
You were my best friend. You never laughed at me, you were kind, with a light heart.
It's strange how they go first.
Mum always said it was because they got to have a treat of getting to heaven early.
Is that true?
Are you happy?
Do you remember me the way I do you?
I never forget.
Never.
I held your hand as you passed away, in the hospital. They put you on life support.
I hoped if I was holding your hand tightly you would take me with you.
You didn't.
I'm OK. I hope you are, too.
It's strange talking to your grave.
But I'm OK. I'm always OK.
I'm better at hiding what I feel from other people than I was when you were here.
I just wanted to say...
Goodbye.
A thousand times goodbye. And that I would see you again. Someday.
So goodbye.