Tinkerbell

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Have you ever felt the burning cold
the sickening dizziness or
the bitter taste
of not being good enough?

It’s like a poisonous spider bite
where you can feel the pain slowly seep carelessly
through your bloodstream
until all that is left is a limp body
with a throbbing heart
trying to fight a battle
you were preordained to lose
because you come from different worlds.

Or the fire that burns at your throat and lungs
making you want to yell at him
scream for him to grow up.
And the icy, choking fingers holding you back
because you know he can’t.

How about the silence
that soothes your pained body
that quiets your turmoiled soul
the silence that spreads relentlessly
until it shuts off your air
and you die a slow, painful death
because he picked her.
A death no amount of belief can ever
Rejuvenate.

Or the terrifying realization
that you hold hate in your heart
for someone who under any other circumstances
could have been your friend,
but who you no want to crush like grapes
under your feet.

How you now only smile when you’re around him
because you know he loves to see you happy.
but he’ll never get to know
what is actually being thought or how you really feel.

And now, with these thoughts,
these ravaging emotions,
you watch him go.
He and that girl flying away into the distance
to a place where he will finally be found
and will grow up.
Not for you, but for her.





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