Becuase I Died

November 15, 2008
By Christina Gargon, Gaylordsville, CT

If there’s one thing I’m sorry for
It’s that I can’t see you anymore
The reason is me
So selfishly
Because I died

One moment of vulnerability
A second of despair
And I cease to be
And open gash
So deep a wound
Painful and exotic
It spins the room

My view is tainted
My mind is warped
Everything the world gave is now against me
How did I not see this before?

Just one moment
All it takes
For reason and truth to separate
Both have fled to safer grounds
Leaving me here with all the sounds
Hate whispers, soft melodic voice
Love departs, a whooshing notice
Depression lingers, unsure of what to do
Dishonesty saying”don’t trust anyone, they’re against you”

As the moment of weakness drags on
I only remember the sad song
The cold, metallic world we live in
And finally
I’m ready to give in

The numbness spreads
It dulls the pain
Seeping slowly, a blockage in my brain
They’re almost gone, all my senses
I want them to go away
Couldn’t bare it if they stayed

Then out of my sadness, out of the blue
I see a face
I see you
I see colors, I see light
I remember how to love, and I remember life
I recall the moments we shared
And how I promised
I would always be there

I start to struggle against the black
I want everything
I want it back
I’m winning the fight
Such joy and pride
Then I feel a snap from deep inside
It rocks the core, my soul
Then I know I can’t hold on
I’m too far gone

The blackness conquers
I feel the pull
It takes me away
So far from you
Will you find me in my room?
Will you cry?
Will you recognize
Me in this ghastly state,
Tears still clinging to my face?
Will you see the letter in my hand?
The one that starts like this:

If there’s one thing I'm sorry for
It’s that I can’t see you anymore
The reason is me
So selfishly
Because I died

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