Love, Pride, Pain, Weakness

October 28, 2008
By Joel Mueller, Ashland, WI

I miss her so bad
I want and need her back
I know what I did was wrong
It has been at least seven months

since the pain has begun
I’ve become deathly jealous of him
I see him walk up to her
I feel unstable as the hate begins to build

I want to blow
I can’t, I won’t

I walk away to try to avoid causing pain

but it won’t leave my mind

I can see me swinging into hate
and stepping into dominance and total control

as it plays like a movie, urging to see, in my head

I feel if I am to brake again
I don’t want her angry at me again
It will kill me for her to despise me

I despise him as he hates me

he took my world and laughed in my face while he did it
I won’t let it happen again
I scream, I yell, I challenge hopping to

let myself finally brake to stop temptation
I want to tear away and let lose
I scratch and rip through layers of love

she has implanted to contain me

but with every layer torn down another

arises with the same intention of containment

but I keep going with all my determination, but go no were

All the determination of domination

punctures the hate that sores in side

as it tries to escape like a caged beast
I can’t show weakness
I see her and it calms my inner demon

that holds the very hate

that could make me kill
I must not brake

for her and the love she provides

Once again I have disgusted myself with temptation
Do I care too much
Is this a form of punishment
Why do I love like no other
I am lost in a sea of emotions
I don’t do what I must for fear of

losing that one’s love witch I value much
I can’t push or let go
I must be in love
I don’t think she knows how attached I really am
Why must this be
What shall I do

So I hide what so importantly needs to but hidden
For love, I live in pain of temptations

She is my love
She is my pride
She is my pain
She is my weakness

The author's comments:
my life, my troubles, love is hard i know and this is my situation in a short kind of way.

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