Breaking Bonds

October 5, 2008

By Cierra H., Fall City, WA

Struggling to move
Trying to break the bonds
The more that I struggle
The tighter they hold on
The ties that made me feel safe
That made me feel at home
Are the ties I want to break
I want them to leave me alone
I try to force my way though
Manipulating my way out
But the bonds just tighten
And I’m left with doubt
Will I ever find a way
A way to break free
Or will the bonds tighten
And never release me
I give up and let the ties have their way
And only then do I notice
The bonds loosening a bit each day

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Cierra H. said...
Oct. 27, 2008 at 8:45 pm

Thank you. I agree that it could be better as well, like not using the word bonds and ties everytime but other words as well.

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Jocelia P. said...
Oct. 22, 2008 at 12:43 pm

I agree with *peachy_keen*. It sounds very real. I think it could also be a little more better, but its still very good. People can understand it. Everyone feels that way sometimes. Very good.

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Cierra H. said...
Oct. 9, 2008 at 1:21 am

Thanks so much for the feedback! It's got my brain working that's for sure!

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*peachy_keen* said...
Oct. 8, 2008 at 12:28 am

I like this. I think it sounds REAL. It's a great start but I'm sure you could make it better. Originals are always great to keep and usualy have more meaning to the author personally, I understand, but adding higher level vocab can definitely enhance a poem's effects. Also, I have a feeling you could dig deeper and bring out more emotion with it.