I start to feel myself
Loosening the grip I have on you.
My hands and mind
Begin to relax
But behind brick walls
My heart remains the same.
Consequently getting stale
On the outside
After being exposed
To damage
Rejection
And disparity.
I don’t know what it is that keeps pushing me back
But I often find myself daydreaming of you.
You without me,
And her instead.
I constantly ponder
Why you chose her over me
And why I wasn’t good enough for you.
I try to convince myself
That really it’s you
Who’s missing out on me.
But the thought never sticks
For long.
I picture you loving her
Giving her the affection
I’ve long ago claimed in my dreams.
Looking into her eyes
Fingers in her hair
Secret smiles
Laced with silent whispers
And it turns my heart tender still.
What is the cure to vulnerability
And foolishness?
I desperately need a double dose.
For if I do not receive it soon
The walls will start to buckle
My heart will burst its seams
And I’ll be left once again
To pick up the pieces
Although some may be lost on the way.