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Surreal

It's so surreal, this feeling, this day.
It's so strange that we can't make you stay.
It's not like we want you leave, you should stay right here,
Don't listen to your mother, we'll take care of you dear

We'll house you in our houses, one house per week!
And we'll get in Ernie's car, or else just travel on our feet.
I'll fix up my bikes, and we can ride around this place
Places you've never seen before, you'll have the biggest smile on your face.

I swear I'll make your life here better than it ever could be
Better than back home, you'll feel so happy and free,
And we'll tell each other secrets, distant whispers in our ears.
Just please, don't go Chaycee..please just stay here.

But no. That's not how we were raised, you need to go
Besides, you can't wait to tell your friends all the things that you know,
About people you met here, and the culture itself
Besides, you might need this, so I'll just tuck these words away on my shelf

Maybe I'll pass by them, dust them off a bit
Maybe I'll get curious again and look inside it
Hoping to remember what it felt like to so distantly lose you
And just like everyone that leaves, its not something that we choose to do

Just..I don't know. I don't know what I want you to decide
But whatever you do decide, I'll happily abide.
It's hard, you know? It's just, you mean so much
And now you're leaving, and I feel empty and such

No..not empty. It's more empty, numb.
It's as if I've been struck dumb.
I want to see you off, go to the airport with you
I want to walk you to your terminal, remind you to tie your shoe.

I want to go on the plane with you, make sure you laugh
I'll say the strangest things, you'll probably think me daft!
I want to get off the plane with you, and kiss you for good measure,
And hopefully, like me, I hope you find it a pleasure.

I want to walk around and get your luggage, and start heading home,
And I'll make sure to talk and listen to you, so you won't feel alone.
Thing is with where you're going..I don't know my lefts from my rights..
So you'll have to lead and guide me, cause I'll just blame my disorientation on the flight.

I'll walk home with you, put your suitcase on your bed,
And I'll start walking to the door, with shoes that suddenly fill with lead.
I'll make sure you're situated, and keep on asking "need anything else?"
And you'll laugh at first, but then get tired, saying "we can handle ourselves!"

And yes you can..you fine woman, you're glorious, didja know that?

You're whole stay here in this broken down place, I promise to you that you made it shine!
In fact, at first, that's probably why I wanted you to be mine.

But the fact of the matter is,
And I haven't told anyone this,
That beyond these tears, and beyond these fears, and this hollow empty feeling.
There's something else..something more, and it's kinda sending me reeling.

It's...joy...joy?! What?! How could I possibly have that now?!
I mean..you're leaving and quite honestly I don't know how
I'm gonna handle it, if I'll even handle it well

Chaycee, it's all so strange, so hollow, so surreal.
To think that I'd get used to this, you'd think I'd know how to deal, right?

But I'm not so sure. Today the weather looks pleasant.
The sun isn't out, but It's not raining like it was yesterday.
It's nice, there's a slight breeze, but everything is still.
Still like the thoughts
That go through my mind
Yesterday and today.

It's rather funny, but today is worse than yesterday.
Not the weather, but the fact that you leave, and I won't see you every Sunday.
I won't be at your house anymore, no movie nights again.
No hugs no kisses hello, no more of you calling my name.

When am I gonna see your name on my phone once more?
When are you gonna call or text?
When are we gonna hug again?
Smile at each other again because we understand a joke?
Stay sitting at opposite sides of the table but looking at each other square in the eyes, because you're trying to tell me something about Ernie and Spaghetti.
Hear your crazy neurotic laughter again?
Especially at a joke which I made, or someone else made, that (and you have to trust me on this darling) really wasn't that funny.

Not sure if I'll be able to see you off, to follow you home, make sure everything is good.
Not sure if I'll be able to kiss you on the cheek as a last kiss goodbye, and possibly, if you'd allow it, a kiss on the lips as a last handshake.
But no, that won't happen. Might not happen, it's more probable that it's not.
So I'll just stay home,
listening to sad music,
playing Desperado in my head,
trying to remember the jokes you've said,
and sit here doing nothing on this "not-so-bad" day.

I'm sorry I'll miss you so. But I'm not.

Have fun where you're going. I'll see you soon, I promise.





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