Do you always gotta be the boss, and never let me make my decisions? I get it more now, but I still don’t want incisions. I want to live, I want to breath. Get out of this house. Maybe just leave. Let me fly, even if I sink. know I can swim so I know she won’t leave when I blink. If she does, thats my problem not yours. I know you’re my mother, but I need to learn more. Let me be, don’t leave me behind. I know you get angry, but I know you aren’t blind. You see my mistakes, when they come out on top. But you never see my problems, that I swallow like pop. I get why you do this, but you don’t know all of me. I am not only my mothers son, so let me explore and be a little free. I’m never going to be right, I know I am wrong a lot. I know you are the mom, and I’m not trying to take your spot. I just want you to know what I want, without judging me so much. I want to be with Stephanie or Stacie, and I might lose my lunch. I’m not sure what choice was right, stay with Jacq or let her go. But right now I know the point. I needed to know. I needed to know my choices, how they worked and who they were. Test new relationships, and and then I’d be sure. But that’s not how it went, I need to still test. You won’t let me do that, and it’s not helping the stress. I do like Jacquena, if you couldn’t tell. I still like Stacie, and Stephanie just as well. My chances are slim, and I know how small they are. I still want to grow up, and drink in your bar. I don’t like the fighting, that’s why I’ve given up. I’m not going to right this, I’m just done getting f***ed. I am still stuck in wonderland, my heart lost in space. Maybe not far from now, someone will match my pace. Until that day comes, I’m out here on my own. It’s starting to bore me, being in wonderland alone.
A Lonely Wonderland
May 25, 2012