A Secret Hell

May 15, 2012
An Oreo costume on Halloween
It was something Murfreesboro had never seen.
I made the plans and curled my hair
And that is when it started -then and there.

I sat and waited anxiously ‘till 7 o’clock
But there was never the sound of the doorbell or the faintness of a knock.
My mom then said, “That's it! Go hang out with other friends!”
I agreed with the hope that when I returned we could make amends.

I texted and called her all that night
Just so I could hopefully make it alright.
With no response I discovered that this was all on purpose
Then the truth gradually came to the surface.

When I went back to school I hoped she would apologize,
But with none at all, our friendship began to subside.
When I told people what happened and my side
They all thought she wasn't capable of that - they all thought I lied.

Quickly I had nobody. A single friend?
Nope, not one. Not a single smile, hug, or shoulder did anybody lend.

I desperately needed someone to talk to
Not for an hour - minutes - just a few.
I needed someone to comfort me and hold me tight.
I needed someone to reassure me that everything would end up alright.

I was mocked - ridiculed by everyone
They enjoyed it - every second of it - but for me - none
I was laughed at behind my back and to my face
There was no compassion - not a trace

Their eyes boiled over with hatred
Their hearts seemed to be vacated
However, I still longed for that friendship
It was like searching for people on an abandoned ship

I was slammed into desks - blocked from all exits
I didn't understand what was going on - it all made no sense
I was excluded - banned from parties
I was left to face an army of middle school beauties

For weeks I concealed my bruises with clothing
I cried and suffered without anyone noticing.
The bruises faded and are gone
But the internal scars are still with me - they are lifelong.

Left all alone to figure it out,
But how could I? I still didn't know what they were mad at me about.
For weeks nobody cared - or at least didn't want to ask.
Then finally she came to the rescue at last.

My teacher - my newfound supporter
She listened to everything I said - she wasn't just a listener, she was an absorber.
Finally the months I had sat alone at lunch were over
I could feel the end of this secret battle getting closer and closer.

I finally broke down and told my parents
What they gave was something I hadn’t had in months - assurance.
Assurance that they would take care of it
And they did.

I was called into the room and sat face to face with the once so familiar faces
Then the lady told us we were going to do this in three phases
They would tell their side - I would tell mine
At the end we were joining together and would sort this out - it was only a matter of time.

But when I told my side
I stuttered and then cried
I let out what I had kept bottled up - it was all so surreal
I shared what I had been forced to bury and now asked to reveal

The lady’s jaw dropped as I told
Her heart broken as she realized that others had watched it unfold
Her heart was shattered and my eyes began to swell
It was then she realized that the life I had been living was a secret hell.





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