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Excuse Me.....

Excuse me
I’ve got something to say
And when I’m done
I Promise you
You’ll be happy that you stayed

This is just a little something
I wrote only for you
And we’ve been friends for so long now
It’s time that I tell you this

Before I’ll even tell you this
It’ll be over, said and done
So why don’t we seize the moment; freeze it and own it.
Why don’t we begin?




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This article has 64 comments. Post your own!

Darbs1325 said...
May 21, 2012 at 6:48 pm:
Awww that is a sweet poem... Well I think i got the picture.... lol, but overal I like it and you should post more stories :D 
 
DanielM replied...
May 22, 2012 at 2:02 pm :
thanks you so much
 
Darbs1325 replied...
May 24, 2012 at 7:43 pm :
no problem
 
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EmmyCherry said...
May 17, 2012 at 2:05 pm:

I like this poem - it's a wonderful start! I wouldn't have guessed it's your first :).

I'd recommend that if you want to to improve it, you can change it so that the lines rhyme. Then it'll be more catchy :).

 
eeoopig replied...
May 20, 2012 at 12:33 am :
good poem, I liked the start the most :)
 
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Naturally_Talented said...
May 16, 2012 at 10:11 am:
Nice poem not bad for your first you should keep at it and make them even better
 
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Lacer said...
May 15, 2012 at 9:19 pm:
I like the message, and I understand free-verse poetry, but the first paragraph is soooo close to rhyming, that it throws the reader off when they get to the second paragraph. I know that's a knit-pick, but its important that when you make a first impression on your readers, you generally keep things in that original format, unless there's a metaphorical  twist, but it is a good poem. I just don't know what it's about, but I assume its about owning up to a crush, from some kind ... (more »)
 
EmmyCherry replied...
May 17, 2012 at 2:04 pm :
I agree about the first part, that we think it will rhyme, but it doesn't...maybe you should start off with a catchy rhyme that readers will remember.
 
Lacer replied...
May 17, 2012 at 3:49 pm :
That's the opposite of what I was recommending, I suggested that she alter the first paragraph so that there is no rhyming or anything looking like a rhyme, otherwise readers will expect all of it to rhyme, and then it won't belong in free verse, as I think it does.
 
Lacer replied...
May 17, 2012 at 3:50 pm :
That's the opposite of what I recommended. I meant that there should be no rhyme in the first paragraph. It throws the reader off.
 
Lacer replied...
May 17, 2012 at 3:50 pm :
That's the opposite of what I recommended. I meant that there should be no rhyme in the first paragraph. It throws the reader off.
 
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fatima9797 said...
May 15, 2012 at 8:10 pm:
This is super good! You should totally write more poetry!
 
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maddyhatterThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 14, 2012 at 9:16 pm:
it was very good danny
 
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Dreamer7697 said...
May 14, 2012 at 5:48 pm:
I knew were a such a good writer at storys but I never knew you could write such great poems as well. Good job fwin!:)
 
DanielM replied...
May 14, 2012 at 5:58 pm :
i didn't either... thank you so much FWIN... right back at your a good writer and a good poet also.
 
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Ashleyy1213 said...
May 13, 2012 at 7:52 pm:
i like it a lot. nice job my dude.
 
DanielM replied...
May 14, 2012 at 5:00 pm :
Thank you.....
 
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Floyd7888 said...
May 13, 2012 at 12:10 am:

I really liked it! You sould consider writting more poems, you're good at it.

 

 
DanielM replied...
May 13, 2012 at 1:03 am :
thank you that means a lot. i'll think about doing that.
 
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TypisLingua said...
May 12, 2012 at 2:41 pm:
I like it a lot. The rhyme scheme is pretty solid, and so is the rhythm. Nice
 
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TypisLingua said...
May 12, 2012 at 2:41 pm:
I like it a lot. The rhyme scheme is pretty solid, and so is the rhythm. Nice
 
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