April 14, 2008
I’m always upset
Around you
It’s not school
Or my self-consciousness
And I only lie because
I want you to love me

I never feel safe
Around you
I never know
When you’ll be angry
So I hide
I’m such a coward

I can never talk
Around you
I’m always afraid
Of what you’ll do next
If I actually say
How I felt

I feel so mediocre
Around you
I wish I were smarter
Or prettier
Or funnier
So you’d love me

I feel so guilty
Around you
You always tell me
That it’s my fault
That I need to change
That I ruined your life

I can never cry
Around you
You always told me
It was weak
So I don’t do it

I always feel outdated
Around you
You’ve always loved her
She’s your little angel
And I hate
That I love her too

I always feel stressed out
Around you
Because I try so hard
In everything I do
But you never acknowledge me
Unless I do something wrong
I feel so exhausted
Around you
Because I’m so tired
Of trying to please you
And stay out of your way
And make you feel better

I feel so weak
Around you
When you’re angry
And I can’t get you
To calm down
Until you wake everyone up

I feel so angry
Around you
Because I never did anything
And yet you think of me
Lowly, just like I feel
About myself

I feel so sorry
Around you
Because I do
Want to make you happy
But I just can’t change
I am who I am

I feel so confused
Around you
Because I don’t know
Why you had a C-section
If you didn’t want me
Did you ever love me?

I feel so trapped
Around you
Because I didn’t choose this
And it’s three years ‘til we graduate
And still, all I want
Is for you to love me

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