February 12, 2008
By Ellie Abner, Alexandria, VA

There is a feeling within me that is difficult to explain, it’s like pain, but it feels good like a bruise but not really, like sour candy, I feel like one of the pieces in a board game, or just another fish in the sea, a heart attack waiting to happen every time he looks at me, a wonderful problem that won’t go away, an annoyance that I want to stay, it’s incredibly entertaining but too suspenseful to enjoy, a fixed broken toy, from my childhood, something so bad that it’s satisfyingly good, there is nothing that I want more in this world, than to be with this boy, that makes my mind, twirl, and my eyes go out of focus from this natural high, he’s got me on, he confuses me to the point where I understand where he’s coming from, and I hate him so much that I know I’m in love, he’s like my doused burning fire, in the middle of the night so honest he’s made me a truthful liar, more like the skittles of my, sky high rainbow, it’s the kind of feeling that makes me cry my self to sleep at night, he’s turned my heart once stone into beating flesh, but my mind has been converted into senseless mesh, his words have me on bended knee, and the world I would give him happily, like the light at the end, of my darkened, tunnel, he fills the pages of my wordless journal, my blanket in the cold winter storm, to keep me warm, he’s my hot shower, in the night time hours, and the food in my empty stomach, he fills my soul with, more than I can handle so I store it , and use it for another day, when I’m feeling lonely, this boy is so full of knowledge that he doesn’t know what to do with it so I just smile and hug him and only halfway listen to what he’s saying because he smells so good like that Egyptian Musk that reminds me of the sunset at dusk it’s a sight and smell that will stay with me for all eternity and his pineapple kiss, is heavenly like Granny Smiths, crisp apples fresh from the tree, that boy has me, twisted inside out, because he really is all I think about, I try to play it off try to say I don’t care, but in my heart he is there, I swear and he won’t leave, he’s like a sickness a disease, that is incurable but it’s okay, I never wanted it cured anyway, he is life love, and spirituality all in one, the whole package and that’s a lot to handle, three is a magic number maybe one more time, we could try, but I don’t know, he does make me smile, real smiles, not them fake ones that I give to people just to keep them satisfied, no , these ones aren’t dry, so, can we try?

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