I don't Want it

February 23, 2008
I don't want it, I just need it.
Too many wants and needs to keep it straight.
Cause words flow through my head,creating momentum.
Caught up in the flow of a thousand dreams, the dam breaks.
I'm standing by the creek as this flood rushes towards me.
Up and out it rages,overcoming any barrier I may try to throw up.
No one could walk the roads I've walked and be comforted by being alone.
My feet have been cut by the shards of pain, taking, and humiliation that litter this ground.
The face I present to the world is smiling, and brittle.
I need, I need a changing, an awakening.
But I don't know how to ask for help.
Because to truly offer me assistance,you must understand.
And theres shame that lives in this little frame,hiding and lurking.
I fear that the knowledge needed will change the way you look at me and the way you think of me.
I want others to be happy, but truth is necessary to clear these clouds that are blocking the sun.
My truth is, I'm working on it.
I'm not perfect, and in many ways I need to change how I think about myself.
Because therein lies the true problem.
Others actions have effected what I see when I look in the mirror.
I will get her back, the smiling, crazy, impulsive, confident one.
Without her, I cannot heal, I cannot help, and I cannot be the joy in his eyes.

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