black tears

July 23, 2011
By Alantis SILVER, Connersville, Indiana
Alantis SILVER, Connersville, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
Love hurts weither its right or wrong.


I wake up every morning and your the first thing on my mind,
No matter what I try to do my thoughts always linger back to you,
And the fact that you will always be close to my side, yet so far away to touch,
The thought of not having you will always bring black tears to my eyes.



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This article has 1 comment.


on Sep. 5 2011 at 9:19 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Okay, I have some criticism.

 

1.  Generally speaking, even free verse poems are in a stanza format, not in a paragraph.  It’s not always the case, but that’s what readers generally expect.

 

2.  ‘Your’ should be ‘you’re’ in the first sentence.

 

3.  “No matter what I do…”  Put a period instead of a comma at the end of your sentence.

 

4.  “And the fact that you will…”  This sentence really reads awkwardly and is sort of confusing.  Could you try rephrasing it?

 

5.  You need to capitalize words in your title.

 

Other than those grammar/formatting mistakes, I actually like the idea behind your poem.  It’s very emotional.





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