"FORGIVENESS"

July 23, 2011
By spency SILVER, Irvington, New Jersey
spency SILVER, Irvington, New Jersey
8 articles 0 photos 75 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T GIVE UP,REACH YOURSELF UP"


we used to be so close and all happy together
we used to be sista,sista
lovin each other with no regrets but
wat happen to all that
mistakes had turn us around
we hav end up dead with no loving memories
im trynna get back on my feet



but
without you by my side
will never make it
i know,i know i do wrong



but
one more chance will make us a winner
you and i are the same loving person
you my own shadow and my own spirit
our love will never depart



cause
you are inside of me
in my heart and in my soul

cause
we live in each others heart



and
our heart will alwayz tied up with the love that we hav for each other


The author's comments:
THIS ARTICLE IS ABOUT BFF.DONT LET MISTAKES TURN UR DOWN,ALWAYS TRY TO KEEP IT BETWEEN YOU TOO AND SOLVE IT TOGETHER.THAT WAY YOUR BOTH WILL BE A WINNER....

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This article has 7 comments.


so_joy SILVER said...
on Sep. 24 2012 at 5:10 pm
so_joy SILVER, Navesink, New Jersey
8 articles 0 photos 724 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Be the change you want to see."

I liked this poem, although I think it needs editing. There are a few spelling errors and grammar mistakes, and the poem could use figurative language. It seems as though this is a rough draft.  Please read, rate, and comment on my poems! Thanks!

Lexie96 GOLD said...
on Oct. 31 2011 at 9:13 pm
Lexie96 GOLD, Havana, Illinois
11 articles 0 photos 378 comments

Favorite Quote:
Now Cinderella don't you go to sleep, it's such a bitter form of refuge, oh don't you know the kingdom's under siege, and everbody needs you. - The Killers

I got to agree, this poem has good meaning and great content, but the grammar is just a bit off. Other than that I enjoyed it and I enjoyed the message. Check out my work?

spency SILVER said...
on Aug. 26 2011 at 4:27 pm
spency SILVER, Irvington, New Jersey
8 articles 0 photos 75 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T GIVE UP,REACH YOURSELF UP"

thank you  so much and i also like your poems 

on Aug. 20 2011 at 8:53 am
Lauren_Faith996 SILVER, White Planes, Kentucky
6 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Of all the things God gave us, the greatest is hope."
-Dr. Eugene Shoenfeld.

It has some good intentions, but you need to find a focus. Get into your rhythm- it seems kind of... choppy? I guess that's the word. Grammaric errors confuse the reader and tear your focus away from the actuall meaning of the poem. You have room for improvement, but good meaning. I liked it. Keep working at it.

on Aug. 14 2011 at 12:29 pm
EyesofBlueFire GOLD, Belleville, Illinois
15 articles 0 photos 37 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided." Dumbledore, Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling.

I like the meaning and the feeling behind the poem. A little constructive criticism though... Possibly a little more focus on the rhythm and the grammar, it would make it a little more  understandable to your audience and greatly improve your writing. :) Keep up the good work.

on Aug. 12 2011 at 11:14 pm
ClaireEloise SILVER, Chagrin Falls, Ohio
8 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
It's not about what's on the page. It's about what it really means.

i liked it

 


spency SILVER said...
on Aug. 11 2011 at 7:10 pm
spency SILVER, Irvington, New Jersey
8 articles 0 photos 75 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T GIVE UP,REACH YOURSELF UP"

 free to comment.....i votes ur count..plzz vote and and comment and ill do the same for ur


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