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"FORGIVENESS"

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we used to be so close and all happy together
we used to be sista,sista
lovin each other with no regrets but
wat happen to all that
mistakes had turn us around
we hav end up dead with no loving memories
im trynna get back on my feet



but
without you by my side
will never make it
i know,i know i do wrong



but
one more chance will make us a winner
you and i are the same loving person
you my own shadow and my own spirit
our love will never depart



cause
you are inside of me
in my heart and in my soul

cause
we live in each others heart



and
our heart will alwayz tied up with the love that we hav for each other



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This article has 7 comments. Post your own!

so_joyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 24, 2012 at 5:10 pm:
I liked this poem, although I think it needs editing. There are a few spelling errors and grammar mistakes, and the poem could use figurative language. It seems as though this is a rough draft.  Please read, rate, and comment on my poems! Thanks!
 
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Lauren_Faith996 said...
Aug. 20, 2011 at 8:53 am:
It has some good intentions, but you need to find a focus. Get into your rhythm- it seems kind of... choppy? I guess that's the word. Grammaric errors confuse the reader and tear your focus away from the actuall meaning of the poem. You have room for improvement, but good meaning. I liked it. Keep working at it.
 
Lexie96 replied...
Oct. 31, 2011 at 9:13 pm :
I got to agree, this poem has good meaning and great content, but the grammar is just a bit off. Other than that I enjoyed it and I enjoyed the message. Check out my work?
 
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EyesofBlueFireThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 14, 2011 at 12:29 pm:
I like the meaning and the feeling behind the poem. A little constructive criticism though... Possibly a little more focus on the rhythm and the grammar, it would make it a little more  understandable to your audience and greatly improve your writing. :) Keep up the good work.
 
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ClaireEloise said...
Aug. 12, 2011 at 11:14 pm:

i liked it

 

 
spencyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 26, 2011 at 4:27 pm :
thank you  so much and i also like your poems 
 
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spencyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 11, 2011 at 7:10 pm:
 free to comment.....i votes ur count..plzz vote and and comment and ill do the same for ur
 
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