REM Disorder

July 19, 2011
It's one AM, my eyes are burning
Fingers twitching on my keys
Nails are scratching, haven't cut them
It's been too long since I've cut them.
Scratch and slide and mess me up
But I'm too tired to cut them


I take a breath, lean over my mug
My tea is cold, the sugar settled
I haul myself to my feet slowly
Pour the tea down the sink slowly
It tastes like sweat and week old water
I rinse the mug out slowly


I hear my yawn, my sigh of breath
I sniff and snuffle, lean back one minute
Staring straight ahead at the screen
My eyes glued to the words at the screen
Vision fading in and out
And I lose sight of the screen


I barely hear my breathing now
My ears turn off, sound disappears
Then, there at my keys, the dream state starts
My muscles freeze, the dream state starts
I'm still awake, my lucid mind
Tries to wake, but dream state starts


I feel the chemicals seeping into my blood
Too tired to stop it, I know what comes next
My hands on the keys, don't move, they're froze
My arms and legs and neck, all froze
My breathing fast, my eyes move back
and forth, But all else froze.


The things before my eyes transformed
Computer turns into a mouth
My phone and mug turn into teeth
Napkins, cookies, printers, teeth
The remnants of my lunch and dinner
Both transformed to teeth


For some reason, everything that once
Was a comfort to me, now is not
Everything I see causes me fear
My shoes, my drawings, cause my fear
The notes on my wall and the paintings from
my sister cause me fear


Unable to wake, unable to sleep
I feel my muscles try to move
I try to wake because it hurts
Can't scream from the pain that makes me hurt
The pain is from the fear I feel
A burning, stinging, hurt


My jaw is clenched from working hard
Wake me up, I try to say
Somebody please just wake me up
I'm trying so hard to wake up
But no matter how hard I try to move
Or scream, I can't wake up


Ten minutes later, I can move
Paralysis has faded out
I jerk myself and take a breath
Comforted by the sound of my own breath
You never know how much you miss
A simple thing like one's own breath


I finish writing, now awake
The REM is over, I finish fast
I climb into my hard cold bed
Wrap up in blankets in my bed
And pray I fall asleep before
I dream there in my bed.





Join the Discussion

This article has 1 comment. Post your own now!

Lams said...
Jul. 22, 2011 at 10:02 pm
very well written and a great visual of what happens...exactly what I go through.
 
bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback