The View From My Eyes

January 15, 2008
By Kyera Dudley, Pahrump, NV

My friend,
my daze,
my escape from the world.
He is like an addiction.
Drawing me in to his openness,
leaving me breathless;
speechless with his wonderful flirtations.
Yet l ask myself why my feelings are so strong.
Every time we talk he's there to listen,
there to make me laugh and smile.
lt's almost as if l'm transported to a different place;
a place without worry,
without drama,
without fear.
He eases my sorrow and all bad things disappear.
Still l search for my true feelings wondering how l actually feel.
l ponder my thoughts,
our evenings on the phone trying to find the answers that lie within my own soul.
l don't know what to think of him,
except that l am unsure.
l remain unsure until the next time l talk to him,
when l am pushed without trouble to becoming sure of my feelings.
After each time our conversations end my heart fills with lonliness.
l wait until the next call and for sure l am rewarded with the next timeless experience that makes me high with happiness.
He has done wonders for me and saying thank you isn't enough,
he has helped me so much in many ways whether he or l know it.
My head spins as l fall deeper to the sound of his voice.
Now l ask myself was there a reason for all this?
Was it meant to be?
The words that pass between my lips "l love you."
l can't decipher the truth when l say those three words,
decipher the meaning behind what l say to him.
Trying to find out his true feelings confuse me only because he sends mixed messages making me believe one thing when he really means something else.
Despite the confusion l love him none the less.
The love l give to him and feel about him may not be head over heels l want to be with him forever love,
but as a deep friendship love that only makes sense to us.
The amount of love l have for him is indefinate and will last forever no matter what.
l will always cherish and love him for his own uniqueness.
This is the time when there are shreds in my boundaries,
allowing myself to be open but also making me vulnerable to a short extent.
l'm not allowing myself to fall fast anymore even to him,
whom l trust without doubt.
Now after writing this my feelings are now undoubtedly reassured,
that l can not explain my feeling for him on paper or in words,
but in tone of voice and body language.
To this l may leave questions but answers as well.

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