Maybe We're the Ones Who Changed

November 11, 2007
By Mary Louise Cantu, San Isidro, TX

I'm lonely in this classroom
While you're off in highschool.
You must think I'm happy,
But no, you don't even know.

You must think I have a billion friends
Or that I have a billion dollars
When the truth is,
the only thing I have is you.

I run alone, I feel free
And I think of you.
Of how perfectly fast you run
and talk and act and think.
I feel so much like nothing beside you.
Are you sure you love me?

I sleep alone, I dream alone.
I think of what we said.
What an idiot I must have sounded like.
I could have said something smarter.
Smart boy, you must think I'm stupid.

And I feel so isolated, so out of place.
Everyone changed.
Nothing is like it used to be.
Everyone seemed to find a friend.
Everyone of course but me.

It's like I'm living in an empty world,
and halfway across it you're there,
standing, waiting, you know where I am,
you know how I feel,
but you never do come.

It's like if I dropped dead,
the world wouldn't notice.
But if you worry about me,
maybe come around sometime.
My door to you is always open.

Sometimes--no, all the time,
This broken heart beats with fear.
This mind thinks only of "goodbye"
never of "hello" or "I love you".

It's like when we were little,
We thought of being beautiful people,
of being kings and queens
and we're all grown up now,
with our black nails and eyeliner,
with this stupid music.
It makes us feel empty like no one cares
like no one will ever care.

And I don't care if you don't care.
I'm telling you this anyway.
I just have to say something, anything.
Anything to move on.

Because, I can be young
and empty
and stupid
and anything else they can say.
But I know how to love.
And I can be an idiot and a loser
But I'm still gonna care.
I'm always gonna care.

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