As I Wait

December 12, 2010
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I wait for you to come, while I drown in my own deceit. My heart beats faster and faster, as I wait for it to stop. What do I do, Where do I go? Is it really you I’m looking for, or is it just you I want? Is it lust or is it love, I was taught they were two different things. Am I fooling myself, or is it you fooling me? I feel like I’m ready to die. The cuts so deep, I’m coming to the end of the earth, it seems all I do is cry. I cry myself to sleep, I even wake up crying. Is it myself that I hate, or do I hate you. They say you can’t hate unless your taught, well I guess I taught myself to hate myself, yet all I want to do is love. It’s funny, because I don’t think about loving myself, all I think about is loving you. That must be my problem, you have me trapped. How will I ever get out? I’ve been behind theses bars so long, all I have left is doubt. Do I hate myself, or do I hate you, that should not be the question. Why don’t I love myself, why do I let you take my joy away? The answer was right in front of me, all that’s left to do is pray.

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