December 12, 2010
So vulnerable, tired lonely and pale
looking into the toilet, thinking I’ve tried and failed
sticking my finger down my throat
giving up on life giving up hope
vomiting, gagging letting the food drain
hiding the guiltiness, hunger and pain
letting the greediness leak out inside
and hacking it out just wanting to hide
escaping the pain, loneliness and guilt
bones so weak, so ready to tilt
looking in the mirror at that face
so skinny and hungry, my life is a waste
food so delicious, wanting more and more
but I don’t know, how much calories my body can endure
filled with sadness and anger I run to the trap
leaning over the toilet, I'm ready to collapse
sitting on the bathroom's cold hard tile
looking in the toilet at my food in a pile
sad, empty just wanting to disappear
not wanting to stop out of desperation and fear
staring and staring deep into a trance
thinking in desperation if i could have another chance
not wanting to give up on the beautiful part of life
just living life and not thinking twice
about the negativities and traps that bring you down
ignoring the worries of gaining a pound
redeemed, relieved happy to be free
so full of joy realizing how life can really be

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