I Don't Have You

October 8, 2010
By Just.A.Dream SILVER, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
Just.A.Dream SILVER, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
7 articles 0 photos 431 comments

Favorite Quote:
Part of the J7X team. :)


Fake smiles tearing me apart
Not knowing I’d get this hurt at the start
Feeling pain every time I see
There is no more us, it’s only me.
Pretending everything is okay
But knowing that to this very day
We somehow moved on
The best part of my life is suddenly gone.
I know things will be all right
I can’t believe this all happened from just one fight
I knew that things would get rough
But I didn’t know life would be so tough
You not being friends with me hard to face
Those memories will never be erased
I’ll remember them for years to come
So for now my heart is numb
I’ll miss you being my friend
But I have to try getting through all of life’s bends.

I know that life will now change
And all familiar things will now seem strange
People say time will heal
But this time I know that’s not real
I guess it’s time to move on
And forget about this once upon
Now I understand this was too good to be true
Because I realize I don’t have you.
I miss having you here with me
Now I know that’s not where you’re supposed to be.
Goodbye, old friend.


The author's comments:
I got inspired to write this from all the friendships in my life that have been broken. I hope people will relate to the pain felt when they lose a friend.

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This article has 14 comments.


on Jan. 9 2011 at 9:04 pm
Auburn-Morrow PLATINUM, Canton, Georgia
22 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life Takes its toll, please have exact change.

Often through out the poem I could imagine my own fights I had the displeasure to be involved in, so that was a very cool thing. This is sad, but I don't think it was meant to be all rainbows, unicorns and bright sunshine, so mission accomplished, you've effected a reader.

on Jan. 9 2011 at 8:37 pm
AgnotTheOdd GOLD, Aptos, California
17 articles 0 photos 315 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The reason for your unreasonable treatment of my reason so enfeebles my reason that I have reason to complain of your reason" ~ Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

As was said before, this was a little bit of an inconsistent poem, however, it actually succeeded in making me a little depressed.  So you evoked emotion, good job there.  I've kinda finished my comment, and I'm still a little glum, mind cheering me up with some commentary on any of my articles?

on Jan. 9 2011 at 10:39 am
RosemarieCraig GOLD, Gloucestershire, Other
19 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell."
"The world is not inherited from our ancestors. It is borrowed from our children"

Hi, good job with this poem, it had real emotion. I think a lot of people will relate to this, especially because you used an original personal slant on your poem.

If there is any criticism to be made, it's the lack of advanced vocabulary and an eneven meter. There is meter in some lines, but not others, try to make it a bit more consistant. 

Other than that, it was very good, and I liked it.

Chess Pieces or The Last Day please! (Forum commenter) x


on Jan. 8 2011 at 9:48 pm
angelchic2 BRONZE, Burlington, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 4 comments
I can completely relate to this. Especially being in high school it really seems like some of the relationships that you've had for forever dissolve after just one fight and you grow apart and its so heartbreaking. Thank you for writing this because it's so true.

summerqdp GOLD said...
on Nov. 15 2010 at 6:35 pm
summerqdp GOLD, Dana Point, California
10 articles 12 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A friend in need is a friend indeed, a friend with weed is better."
"Then he put on forty-two and a half tabs of brown acid that he still had from his Woodstock days. She saw all kinds of colors. Lemon yellow, orange orange, cherry red, kaleidoscope eyes. The world was on fire."

Wow, I very much enjoyed this! Very nice flow.

I like this:

"I know things will be all right
I can’t believe this all happened from just one fight"

 

Sooooo very, very true. It can all be dissolved in one fight. ha, well done. Very well done.


on Nov. 2 2010 at 5:55 am
sweetly_broken GOLD, Garner, North Carolina
15 articles 0 photos 158 comments

Favorite Quote:
We never know how big we are until we are asked to rise.

i'm sorry, i just realized that you already commented on that poem. sorry for the confusion:)

on Oct. 31 2010 at 9:35 pm
J.Octavian.R SILVER, Lake Nebagamon, Wisconsin
5 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell.
C. S. Lewis

The meter seems somewhat disjointed at points. but this seems to be free verse, so that is not technically "wrong." My mai ncritique is the weak vocabulary and lack of complexity in the rhyming words.

Example: knew that things would get rough
But I didn’t know life would be so tough

 

There is no stark contrast between what defines rough and tough. There is no emphasis on how much harder reality is than expectation.

 

I knew that life would bring with it pain

But not this agony which has our friendship stained.

 

Here is a deeper contrast between pain and agony which more demonstrates the contrast between what the writer expects and what he/she experiences.

 

Anyway, use clearer, wider vocabulary to express your points in a more vibrant and noticeable way and your poem shall hold more interest.

 

The idea is sound and full of promise. Note that all I have stated is purely my opinion. This is YOUR work. Take or leave my advice as you see fit.


on Oct. 30 2010 at 7:07 pm
sweetly_broken GOLD, Garner, North Carolina
15 articles 0 photos 158 comments

Favorite Quote:
We never know how big we are until we are asked to rise.

this is great, i gave it 5 stars! it is very simple, while covering a complex and sensitive issue. that is it's greatest strength. if i had to give you any advice, i would maybe add some figurative lanquage to liven it up a bit, but i actually like it just the way it is. i have a poem about something very similar. it is called the window to the right. check it out please? or any of my work!

on Oct. 29 2010 at 10:48 pm
XiniaAngelita, Selkirk, Other
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
Wow, I'm sure almost anyone can relate to this!!! Flow was good, it could perhaps be a tiny bit smoother, but I really liked it, and the wording was beautiful!!! Keep it up!!!! :D

on Oct. 24 2010 at 12:55 pm
Alcanno DIAMOND, Mexia, Texas
59 articles 0 photos 670 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you love life, don't waste time, for time is what life is
made up of."

-- Bruce Lee

This is amazing. I relate so much about a guy who was my friend who I had feelings fore. We started dating and now it's over and he can't even look at me much less talk to me. Great stuff. SO relatable, great flow, I don't have anything bad to say about this. Keep writing!

on Oct. 22 2010 at 10:42 pm
Michelle24 GOLD, Riverwoods, Illinois
19 articles 0 photos 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."-Dr. Seuss

"Life is not measured by the breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away."-Unknown

That was beautiful!! Check out my work please! Four of my pieces just got put up :)

on Oct. 21 2010 at 10:04 pm
redhairCat PLATINUM, Pebble Beach, California
47 articles 20 photos 411 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I can do anything!"

Great poem! You expressed your feelings sooo well. I know what it feels like to miss a dear friend and when I read your poem, I thought of that time in my life. I'm sure that overs will be able to relate to it's message or to at the very least, it's emotions. I gave it 5 stars and added it to my favorites!

on Oct. 21 2010 at 5:51 am
amandap PLATINUM, Midlothian, Virginia
31 articles 0 photos 183 comments
pretty imagery, nice rhyme :) my favorite line is "People say time will heal, But this tim I know that's not real"

on Oct. 20 2010 at 9:30 pm
Phoenix97 PLATINUM, Minneapolis, Minnesota
29 articles 4 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
See lyrics to "Let the Waters Rise" by MIKESCHAIR and "Everything" by Lifehouse

I have a couple favorite lines in this one:

'There is no more us, its only me'

and 'I Guess it's time to move on/And forget about this once upon'

Overall, I like this one. It has nice imagery, flows well, and is definitely easy to relate to. Good work. :)



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