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Sadistic Beauty

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Full tonight, you are
Shining your brightest
Perfectly round, your are
Captivate by your beauty, my
Heart sings in joy
Overwhelmed, I can not think, speak
My heart is
Pounding
-Pounding
-Pounding
Harder Harder by the second
Tick tick-tick
Harder Faster- Pounding
The heaviness inside my heart, growing is size every second
I stare at you
Weighing me in, swallowing my soul and heart entirely until I feel
As though, I cannot breath -Gasp
Salty tear stream rapidly down my face, testimony to the excitement I feel
I look at you and everything seems possible
My future
In you
I can stare at you all night as you light up the dark sky
-the darkness around & within me
Shining your luminous sliver light wherever you are at night
My weakness for you, it never fades
Your alluring charm, it never ends
Nerve failing to mesmerize me
It kills me
To think I’ll never see your beauty again
Like the prick of a pin
Painful yet subtle
It brings me back to reality
Knowing that you shine that same light and bring the same emotions to another

Ah- this agonizing pain wraps itself around my soul
Like an anaconda, sucking the life of its prey
Rough, cold stones of the bridge-blistering beneath my feet
In this freezing night, the storm is to start-yet
Here
I stand over the edge of the bridge
Sweating the sweat of fear
The blistering cold wind blows at the sweat beads making their way down my face
Gazing mournfully at your refection in the ice cold lake
I’d rather die in you then feel it -this tormenting pain

The rain starts pounding restlessly
Harder and Harder-faster and faster, making it difficult to think- with its sinister sound as it hits the lake, the bridge ,my bare body- washing away the dismal tears of sorrow that were rolling down my face- the tears of my crying soul
The storm has begun- no turning back now, for this is my fate
Jumping into the freezing water before the rain washes away your glorious refection too
For that is my last wish to see you with my last breath

The ice cold water of the lake cuts through me with an intense pain like no other- numbing my body but not the aching, burning pain within my soul-heart-mind
I smile knowing this is better than the torment you put me through
It’s getting harder to breath
-Gasping as the frigid lake water fills my lungs-Suffocating

Sadistic beauty is all you have-something we can only perceive and desire-not comprehend
And if have learned something- it’s that the unnatural beauty you have
Created by god and god only is far crueler than anything else,
For you tease us by
-Giving us hope, desire, joy
But all your beauty does is show us our weakness,
Our Greed
-The parts of us we hide from all others- tormenting us
A desire we can not possess
Until others share the same fate I have been given
For I am not the only one to do this because of you
This tortured soul can now perhaps rest in peace

Embracing the darkness that you have left me with knowing I will never
See you light it up again
You may think I am a nogalistic fool but I would have been a fool to live with that pain-a fool indeed
Anything is better than that excruciating pain

The pain that shredded me to a thousand pieces, your cruel merciless beauty that teased and Tormented me- both have driven me to insanity- I will have no more of neither
Embrace the darkness- for that is all I have left
No Music, No Life
No Emotions, No Beauty,
No Suffering
Just darkness is all I desire-now





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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

aida.ahmed27 said...
Apr. 20, 2013 at 1:50 pm
Thank you so much for your comment jsmithy:)
 
jsmithy said...
Oct. 30, 2010 at 12:04 pm
i love your poem,, its absolutely powering and haunting in a beautiful way,, you really did catch the essence of most relationships.
 
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