O Ash how do you do it?
To walk six, seven leagues from city to city
Have you a pimpmobile to pickup your gang
From tournament to tournament, from place to place?

O Ketchum how do you manage it?
To enslave wild animals from everywhere
Yet make it a national TV hit!
Where did you learn your mastering skills?
Was it Kipling’s “White man’s Buren” that inspired you?
Or D. W. Griffith’s “The birth of a nation” the moved you?

You call your Pokemon your friend
Yet you leave them to rot in a two-by-two spherical prison tank
You don’t baby-sit them, you don’t train them
It seems all you do is send them packing to professor Oak and let him feed ’em.

Why can’t you fight your own battles?
Why do you always send your Pokemons out?
Why not pitch in the effort instead of standing in the sidelines
Instead of you your orders and ruthless commands shout.

Ash, why, o, why do you make friends with perverts?
Can’t you restrain that Brock from hitting on female social workers?
You’ve no clue? Why did you think he got kicked out by his family?
No parent would want to keep a moral degenerate in a household of ten siblings!

Ash, oh, Ash, do you have a part-time job?
Where do you get your travel and food expense paid out?
From your poor mother’s savings account?
Or just from free-loading off of everyone else?
Do you have a credit card?
Can you cash in all those shiny badges you keep close to your heart?
Do you have social security?
When you grow old and retire how will you overcome your financial disability?

Ash, I love your blue and white jacket
And that totally pimped out red cap you wear
But, tell me, do you ever change them?
Do you ever do your laundry or take a shower?
Where do you get a brand-new outfit at the beginning of every episode?

Where, O Ash, where did you get those gigantic almond eyes?
From your mother’s side, or from that illegitimate father of yours who died?
What will you do if a butterfly crash-landed in your eyes?
How do you keep out the eye-watering pollen and shut out all the atmospheric dust from your eyes?

Ash, do you have MetLife or Medicare or Medicaid for your Pokemons?
Because your monsters seem to get universal health-care wherever and whenever they need recuperations
Do you ever pay Nurse Joy for her efforts?
Or Have to sit in a waiting room for hours?
Have you a dental plan for Pikachu and
Where did you get such good-employment benefits so young so soon?

Ash, why can’t you ever finish Team Rocket off episode after episode?
Have you not the balls or are they indestructible?
How do they keep finding their way back to your Pikachu?
And always get a new Meowth Hot Air Balloon.

If you kill Team Rocket, will you be unemployed?
How much did they pay you to keep the episodes going and make you into a merchandizing toy?