Uncertainty

By
Sometimes I wish
I could break your heart,
just to see if you can really feel.

I fear we won’t endure forever,
but you have all confidence in our future.
My love, you take for granted,
and well you should,
for it’s yours as long as you’ll have it,
and, aye, after.
Yet I know that forever is something
only the blessed can have,
and blessed is a title I myself could never claim.

Because, what if this is just
that prosaic youthful passion
we’re so quick to scorn,
and not the archetype of something new
and wonderful?
You promised we were the anomaly—
can I trust, or is it yet
another heedless velvet lie
rolled off a rose petal tongue?

I’ve led you to taste
the tawny-lion sunshine,
and you’ve shown me
those silver streams of sound.
“Soulmates,” we whisper under blanket clouds,
but my heart cries Debtors!
I know I’ll someday have to pay
for a brilliant, light-filled year,
and those who collect will want
some compensation for the offense, long overdue.
I can hardly hope, whoever she is,
you won’t go with her yet.

Hardly,
because we didn’t break the mold, I fear,
it was in shards far before our time,
and a form held with scotch tape and bandaids
is all too impermanent,
and kisses can only hold a love together
for so long.

Realizations of a flighty infatuation
fill my nightmares,
one that will crumble,
to end there with my ruddy shards of heart
that still litter your floor.

With my fears gifted a voice,
your lashes shut me out,
iron silk,
wall between our worlds.
I’ve opened my doors to you,
wet your way with tears,
but you’re so keen to stop them
that you overlook their source.
Please, patch the holes in my heart.
Tripping into your eyes, I could fall off my world,
But I’d rather fall into yours.

Because you look at me,
with your wonted grin,
and promise you’ll call our daughter ‘dollface’.





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