Ships and Birds

May 20, 2010
By riley... GOLD, Yakima, Washington
riley... GOLD, Yakima, Washington
13 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"i became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." edgar allen poe.


All this talk of mocking birds,
Where are all the doves?
When revision becomes complacent
And words are not enough.

I can not fathom the fathoms
Of the anchor that keeps me sane;
But ever so slowly, its been pulling
Up on the disintegrating chain.

My voice is hoarse from yelling
Out for Noah's dove.
My heart is hoarse from yelling
Out for the undeniable love.

The love for which these ships
Bask in an unfailing sun;
Yet mine is going nowhere,
And still it is almost done.

The rutter is underperforming,
The mask is broken in half.
Much like my hopes of returning
To where I was resident last.

Pictures in frames that are broken,
Cracked from the bitter waves,
Prove that at the time of my sinking,
I was already perusing the graves.

To my own death I offered friendship,
We can only say the refusal was net.
Tossed overboard, the water seemed starved,
And eyes closed, body shaking wet,

My dove I had long awaited
Flew overhead, and if it could talk,
It would say, "I tried to war you,"
Because in the end, all birds mock.

The author's comments:
It was the first poem I had ever written, so it was a lot of emotion wrapped up in a metaphor. The question I was asking (to myself, I guess) was "What is the point of trying so hard if its all going to end up with the same result anyway?"

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This article has 16 comments.


MiriamH said...
on Aug. 17 2010 at 4:38 pm
MiriamH, Mequon, Wisconsin
0 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
“I just want someone to hear what I have to say. And maybe if I talk long enough, it’ll make sense.”

This is amazing, I love it!

riley... GOLD said...
on Aug. 13 2010 at 8:04 pm
riley... GOLD, Yakima, Washington
13 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"i became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." edgar allen poe.

haha thank you :)... wish the ti people felt the same way! lol

on Aug. 13 2010 at 7:19 pm
Supernova7 GOLD, Redford, Texas
16 articles 6 photos 394 comments

Favorite Quote:
Let me cry my tears let me live in sorrow as long as you promise to be with me tomorrow
By Me:)

I loved this! You have talent guess youre my competition;)

on Aug. 12 2010 at 9:51 pm
nice to meet you too riley lol

riley... GOLD said...
on Aug. 12 2010 at 9:27 pm
riley... GOLD, Yakima, Washington
13 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"i became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." edgar allen poe.

lol well nice to meet you jason. im riley.

on Aug. 12 2010 at 9:15 pm
lmao smart alec my last name isn't cowell lol

riley... GOLD said...
on Aug. 12 2010 at 9:09 pm
riley... GOLD, Yakima, Washington
13 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"i became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." edgar allen poe.

ok thank you jason cowell. haha

on Aug. 12 2010 at 9:02 pm
your welcome but give credit where credit's due! My name's Jason lol

riley... GOLD said...
on Aug. 12 2010 at 4:48 pm
riley... GOLD, Yakima, Washington
13 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"i became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." edgar allen poe.

haha why thank you mr cowell

on Aug. 11 2010 at 3:02 pm

simon cowell feedback--you asked for it!

THIS POEM WAS HORRENDUS

just kidding. Really it was incredible--I mean I think I liked it so much because it reminds me so much of my style of writing poetry and I think I could really relate to the meaning of it.

That said I only understood half of it, which I think is a sign of it being a great literary masterpiece because it seems that every poem that has a few lines or stanzas that stump people become something that critics and literary professors wet their pants over.

Was it flawless? Absolutely not--there's plenty of things you could tweak and work on but I'm afraid I'm not an expert enough on poetry to know for sure what they are. I think that good poetry is written the way the writer wants it to and it sounds best in his/her mind and any d-bag critic that says it sucks because they don't like the way something looks or sounds is just as right or wrong as anyone.

So yeah if this was my poem I'd love it but I'd be unsatisfied with a couple of lines here and there and I'd tweak em a little bit. But I don't know if it's right for me to tell you that you should tweak with them because it's poetry and one can never be 100% sure what poetry is supposed to mean even if he/she wrote it.

But in the last stanza did you mean to say "I tried to warn you" if so you have a typo lol


on Aug. 11 2010 at 1:12 pm
wild-free BRONZE, Billerica, Massachusetts
3 articles 0 photos 52 comments

Favorite Quote:
"All good things are wild and free." - Henry David Thoreau

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." - Albus Dumbledore

This was amazing! So beautifully written and full of emotion. The last verse was my favorite, very powerful and honest. The poem, metaphor, writing-skill, all of it is so wonderful. Truly great job!

riley... GOLD said...
on Aug. 10 2010 at 1:58 pm
riley... GOLD, Yakima, Washington
13 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"i became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." edgar allen poe.

thank you veryy much :)

on Aug. 10 2010 at 1:42 pm
squidzinkpen SILVER, Buffalo, New York
9 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The Irish gave the Scots the bagpipes as a joke, but the Scots haven't seen the joke yet"- Irish Proverb

You've written the type of poem that I absolutely adore. I like them longer, rhyming, and so full of emotion that I almost cry. It was brilliant, well worded, and emotional. Your metaphores were wonderful and word play was superb. Excellent, top notch, wonderful.

iMonica BRONZE said...
on Jul. 30 2010 at 5:35 pm
iMonica BRONZE, Lincoln, California
4 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Obstacles do not exist to be surrendered to...only to be broken." ~ Adolf Hitler
"Shh...People will say we're in love." ~ Hannibal Lecter

What a beautiful poem. :)

Clearly your best; I am looking forward to your future pieces.


riley... GOLD said...
on Jul. 7 2010 at 2:48 pm
riley... GOLD, Yakima, Washington
13 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"i became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." edgar allen poe.

thank you much :D

on Jul. 7 2010 at 12:01 pm
ellyncannon PLATINUM, Mexia, Texas
29 articles 0 photos 204 comments

Favorite Quote:
That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the task itself has become easier, but that our ability to perform it has improved.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
<3

wow. This is SO great! one of the best. Ever. I can't believe no onehas commented on it yet... odd. I mean it's just so true and right and- gah, words aren't enough. IF only you could type REAL facial expressions. It's AH-MAZING!!!!!


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