starting over

April 7, 2010
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I need to feel pain
And punish myself for the sins I commited
The cuts on my wrists are not for attention
Instead a hopeless beg for redemption.
How many times must I be kicked down
When I cough blood will that be enough?
How long must I starve and crave
For the simple pleasures I once enjoyed?
Will I ever sleep on a bed of roses
Without being torn by their torns.

I came to him with scars on my wrists
He promised it was the last time I'd feel like this.
But he left me more wounded than I came
With everything lost, and nothing to gain.
Unable to think, unable to trust.
Unable to love, left with lust.
X's on my arms and scars run down my back
"If you love me you'd let me" is all he said
I was brought to my knees
Blind and obedient, eager to please
I was his tool, his toy
He took away my pride and joy
My reason to smile became my reason to cry
My reason to live made me want to die.
Looking in the mirror I no longer saw myself
I saw what he wanted me to be.
Smashing the glass, destroying my image
Fists bleeding, but atleast I am free.
Left alone to start over again
With nothing to hold but hope itself
Stories of my past is all they see
But no longed am I what he wants to see.

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