February 2, 2010
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I try to find
some words to say
that leave me behind
in a world of gray
when you show up
with your colors so bright
my face you cup
and share your height
as the grass becomes green
and the skies so blue
nothing I've ever seen
without you
the sun so yellow
and the sea so white
as you whisper hello
and make the world bright
which makes me smile
and shine just as bright
going on mile after mile
such a beautiful sight
the color you give my world
your my boy, and I'm your girl

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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

PaperPlanes said...
Feb. 26, 2010 at 5:54 pm
Hey, very good! I guess all I have to say is, just make sure to capitalize the first letter of every line. Also, I think it'd help the rhyme scheme if you divided the poem up into stanzas. In addition, I thought that you should try and rhyme words with others, instead of themselves. For example, when you rhymed bright with bright, perhaps you could have used another word. Lastly, I think the poem would be better if you continued to rhyme till the end. Overall, really good! I liked it. :)
EmoAnon replied...
Mar. 1, 2010 at 11:01 am
Thank you for the feedback. I have more coming soon! The version of word I was using did not capitalize every line, but they are supposed to be capitalized. And the bright with bright I just have no comment for because it was a spur of the moment ryme, lol. Thank you very much for the feedback. =]
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