After this life what is left for me. Maybe something more
Beautiful than this. I do so much, just so I
Can gain your acceptance. But there is an obvious
Difference…between you and me. I live
Except I don’t. What is a life lived in
Fear. Or in regret. I try to be their image of beauty. But it just isn’t me. That’s the
Grim reality. No matter what I do, no matter what I say, no matter
How or what I try, it won’t matter anyway.
I’m your all American Girl. Insecurities, and unrealistic standards of what I’m supposed to be.
Just trying to fit in. Maybe be more thin. Then there it is again. Self doubt, poisoning my mind.
Killing from the inside. I am sick, my soul is crying out. Why won’t you
Let me be free. These chains of society wrap around me. While self doubt imprison my
Mind. My life becomes hollow. Any my individuality, slowly becomes
Non-existent. I fight self doubt, but I become less resistant. My heart is
Open, and the
Poisonous self doubt from my mind starts to
Quietly and slowly
Reach it. I feel myself changing. My mind is becoming
Sicker. And self doubt starts to grow and fester. Until
The poison materializes into other sicknesses, like anorexia. I suppress my disgust with myself
Under the influence. My insecure thoughts torment and abuse me mentally. Then all the pain and disgust is released like
Vomit, I throw it up. But then it comes crashing down as it falls.
What do I do now? I lost my soul a long time ago, when I relinquished my individuality. Now I’m hollow, and unfeeling, my thoughts torment my mind. And now I abuse my body, with slashes. I go to
X-treme lengths to feel… even if its pain. Don’t you judge me, after all, it all your insecurities that made me. I am
Your girl next door. The all American girl. Depressed, insecure, and lets not forget sick.
Zealous for the end. Look at my scars, and protruding ribs, my unhealthy addictions and eating habits… I do so much for you. For your acceptance. Accept me.