August 31, 2009
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Chains, knots, metal clasp,
Something so new, I'm still yet to grasp,
Within me I hear an undisguised scream,
Cold sweat, dark room, only a dream.

How is today different from days before?
Same life, same schedule, but not the same anymore.
A variable inevitably evidently has switched,
The plain I sustain is suddenly bewitched.

Blinking once, and then twice,
Rub the sleep from my eyes,
Reality reveals another surprise.
An element is missing,
Someone far should be near,
I diagnose myself with obsession I fear.

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imrighthereyouknow said...
Feb. 2, 2011 at 12:55 pm

I love the opening verse. I can't say it's beautiful--that's not the right word for an emotion like this-- but it was powerful.

You rhyme nicely. Sometimes in poems that rhyme it feels very forced, but I actually didn't notice until I reached the middle of the poem.

I feel like the middle verse, or at least the first two lines of it, is the only thing not quite right. I don't know if you really need those lines; it might even be better if you just deleted them.

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