looking inside yourself .

August 16, 2009
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I try to look deeper into myself, im blocked by a challenging mental wall.luminous colors dance around it, pleading my acceptance. colors i didnt think were possible to see, deep brooding blues, and forever blacks; they're calling to me, yearning my attention. im alone, opposing the wall. it wants me to step forward and proceed the process i have already began. i knew i couldnt go back once i started, so do i touch it? will it be fragile and shatter like everything else in my life? i don't want to trust it's stability, misjudging my own mental strengths. the colors hear me, they spark with an essence that ushers me towards them. i press my palm against the wall and my heart leaps. electrifying emotions sufficing my mind. the doorway opens, and i see everything rush past me. i step through and are accompanied by reds. love and compassion, something i dont know what to deal with. something that's been hidden inside me all this time. the essence of these colors warm me to the depth of my soul; i'm loved for once. i trust myself, and realize that u wasnt the one shattering the fragile moments of bliss that seldom accompanied me, they were hurting me. i'm loved by someone, even though it may just be by me.

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