What am I to do?

March 23, 2009
By Anonymous

What am I to do?
When every day I drown?
What am I to do?
When apologies aren't viewed as sound?
What am I to say?
When nothing is ever right?
What am I to say?
When all I do is try?
And is there a way?
To make this all soon end?
Is there some way?
To absolve me of my sins?
Is there even an option?
When I feel I can't get by?
Is there an option?
When they won't even give me a try?
How can this continue?
When I'm sinking further down?
How can this continue?
When silence is the only sound?
How can I find peace?
When everything's amiss?
How can I find peace?
When my heart is punctured by fists?
How can I handle this bleeding?
All this heartbreak and this sorrow?
How can I handle all this dreaming?
When I know they'll be gone tomorrow?
How can I live in this?
When my actions hardly matter?
How can I live in this?
When there's hope, and it all but shatters?
And how can I continue, creeping, sliding by?
When no one is around to give a shoulder to cry?
When will this torture end and when will the sun shine?
I just wanted a friend, a love, and something to be mine.
But it never will go right, or that's so it seems
I continue trying as I might, but it remains but a dream
So how do I continue?
Living life as another day?
There must be something holding on
Because as for now, I'm here to stay
So maybe I'll find dreams and hope secured inside myself
And love will come to me, and I'll be free
From this cold and lonely cell
I lie alone in the darkness
How can I go on?
That's a memory of death's kiss
And its horror says I'm wrong
Because where would I go?
If I left the sullen Earth?
The truth is I don't know what's so
I won't let me end before rebirth
How do I go on?
That's what I'd monotonously say
How do I do it?
Do it day by day by day?
I guess what I do is try
And hold on as hard as I can
And even when I know they lie
I'll find a place to stand
How can they keep doing this?
When all I do is love?
Well, maybe, somehow, they'll forgive
Maybe it's me they're thinking of
How could I go on?
I once again ask myself
But I can hear it, there's a song
It's The Light, its softly ringing bells
I think I know how I go on
And what I know is unconscious
But for some reason I keep hearing the song
The song of destiny, I truly know, will keep me at her harness

The author's comments:
It's about me copeing with going against the grain in high school, and it helps me deal with being gay.

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