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Eraser Smudged Heart

The pencil drawn heart,
Covered the page.
Inside she wrote,
His special name.

She showed him,
The heart.
And gave it to him,
With all her love.

He took it,
And told her the same.
But it wasnt long,
Until her heart was returned.

The eraser,
Smudged out his name,
But her heart will never be,
The same.





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This article has 9 comments. Post your own now!

sleeplessdreamer said...
Aug. 1, 2010 at 9:03 pm

OOOOH!!!! I LOVE THIS ONE!!! The title immediately caught my eye and it didn't disappoint. NICELY DONE!!! Liked this a lot. 

But, as you may have expected by now, I do have one critique. You have got to work on the random commas in between all of your lines and sentences. That's all though. This was fabulous. Stunning. BRAVA!!!

I would love it if you could check out some of my work too... if you ever get the chance. :)

 
dreamer_believer said...
Nov. 8, 2009 at 12:50 pm
doesn't this happen to everyone!? wow, it's such a great poem :) so much truth and love in this small poem. the title is very creative, and the last stanza is also my very favorite :) bravo! check out some of my work if you could, id love your opinion. oh and keep writing ;)
 
MyChey5 replied...
Nov. 8, 2009 at 7:30 pm
Thanks!! I will & i will b honest dont worry!! Look for my comments!!!
 
Michaela S. said...
Oct. 20, 2009 at 3:12 pm
This poem is so true! It really portrays one side of love; the broken-heart one, that is. Good job! Oh yeah, thanks for commenting on my article a while back! :D
Returning the favor to you!
 
MyChey5 replied...
Oct. 20, 2009 at 7:25 pm
oh trust me it is no problem!! I loved your story!!! It caught my eye bcuz i want an emerald ring SOO bad!!! But i loved your story and hope you keep writing (especially a sequel to the Emerald Ring!)
 
Michaela S. replied...
Oct. 21, 2009 at 2:43 pm
I will definately be writing a sequel; I just need to think a bit more about the plot and type it ;) I'll let you know when I post it on Teen Ink!
 
MyChey5 replied...
Oct. 21, 2009 at 7:19 pm
Thank you!!
 
booksarelife4me said...
Sept. 11, 2009 at 9:20 pm
Wow I really like this! It's really cute and sweet. Nice work. I keep reading it over and over.
 
SilverDawn said...
Jul. 31, 2009 at 9:24 pm
oh my gawsh. such a great poem!! i love love love the last stanza. aghh, i hafta read it over and over 'cuz the words... pure awesome. original. lovable :)
 
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