Doctor says
all fat--no good--all fat
here, take pills
pills burn away flesh,
here, take breadcrumbs,
breadcrumbs turn fat girls into princesses
thin, pretty princesses
still fat--no good--still fat

Friend says
all his--no good--all his
look, she says
my hands, all bone, loose skin,
look, she says,
razor sharp hipbones,
stabbing, shredding hipbones
still his--no good--your fault

They say,
all wrong--no good--all wrong
no, be her
she's the thin, better you
no, wrong again,
warm those ice-lips
no breadcrumbs for ice-lips tonight,
still wrong--no good--still wrong

He says
all mine--all good--all mine
wait, demon teeth coat my tongue
demon teeth spy a child in you,
immature, naive, stupid little girl
wait, not what I wanted
refund on ugly, stupid girl, please
my princess cannot be stupid
change my mind--no good--all wrong
all dumb--no good--all stupid

I see all fat--no good
all his--my fault--no good
all wrong--no good
all fine--change his mind
all dumb--all wrong

I am
all shapes--no pain--all shapes
look, pretty shapes
drawing makes carving less of a fat girl
sharp hummingbird needles, tipped red,
grinding shapes into my bones,
stars, hearts, caked in blood,
look, shapes make it okay,
a shovel on my stomach,
to dig up dinner's breadcrumbs
a rope on my hip,
to pull out my pelvis
strings on my thighs--on my arms, on my abdomen
to pull me tight and suck in the fat
to make me a princess
a bone on each fingertip
to remind me chocolate candy no-no's cover up bones,
cover up thin
a bird on my lip
to eat the breadcrumbs in my teeth
a crown on my forehead
I will be a porcelain princess someday, pale and perfect

I pretend
all smiles--all good--all okay
all smiles--fat--no--all okay
all wrong--no--okay--all smiles
princesses always
smile