The Story of my Coping

June 24, 2009
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Everyone he knew had a feeling
When he died
A numb and uptight feeling that wouldn’t let up
When he stopped breathing
And said his last goodbye.

I got that feeling when he passed away.
My lungs hurt as if I wasn’t getting enough air
And my heart skipped a few beats.
My muscles were paralyzed and deadened,
My brain unable to concentrate.

My mom told me the truth
After school in the car.
“He died this morning.”
But I didn’t cry or stare at her
Completely dazed.
I already knew, so it was no surprise that he’d passed.

My brother’s pool party was torture.
I tried to read, but thoughts of him
Invaded my thoughts.
Music didn’t help either
For it reminded me of experiences I’d had with him.
So I stared into the distance,
Or the other side of the pool,
And dreamt and prayed that he’d be alive again…
That this was a false alarm…

The following days were the last at school.
I was supposed to be happy for summer,
But summer reminded my that his funeral was next week
The week after school got out.
So as I signed yearbooks and half-heartedly hugged people
I dreaded going to this funeral.
I couldn’t stand to have a whole hour where they talked about him
Nonstop tears…nonstop pain…

When Tuesday rolled around, I felt like I could go back to sleep.
I didn’t want to cry all morning and think all afternoon.
But I had to.

The funeral began with little bells and chimes ringing,
Then a hymn or two.
The preacher stood and spoke about him,
His integrity, his wonderful spirit, his past skating career,
And all I could think about was his face, dead and cold,
That had been cremated the week before.
His children stood and read some things about him
When they were young.
I stood up and read a poem that they had picked out before
He died.
I was crying all through the whole thing
Wishing he were beside me,
Hugging me close and telling me it’d be okay.
But he couldn’t, so I just sat and cried.

After the funeral,
We went up to say our goodbyes to his wife and children.
We said “I’m sorry” and “Goodbye”
A lot more than I’d ever said them in a row.
And when we left the church
And drove home
The sky opened up and poured down rain
As if God Himself was crying about the loss
Of a wonderful man.

At home for the next week,
I was secluded in my room, reading or writing.
I ate very little and slept a lot.
But once I realized that I should live my life to the fullest
Because he couldn’t finish his,
I began to live more and more.
And now it is as if he never died,
As if he had never had cancer…

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This article has 6 comments. Post your own now!

Cheesecake said...
Jun. 6, 2010 at 5:45 pm
hey yeah it's me again and um like crap. i can't even think of words to write about this piece it was so perfect. and im sorry too. yeah so i wish i could write like that. and ummmmmmm.......amazing piece, your amazing, and an AMAZING writer! xo, A
Mar. 26, 2010 at 5:06 pm
wow. you made me cry. one of my friends died the day before valentines day and it felt just like that. you are amazingly talented.
Alice V. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 5, 2009 at 5:20 pm
CAITLIN!!!! thanks a ton! what are you doing on this site?
Caitisaur said...
Jul. 3, 2009 at 10:37 pm
ALI!! Deary, you are so talented. I've got chills. KEEP ON WRITING! I love you! -Caitlin =]
Alice V. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 3, 2009 at 4:56 pm
Thank you so much! I was crying my eyes out when I wrote this poem, so that might be where the emotion came from. Thanks! I will DEFINATLY keep writing.
xXsmileXx This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 3, 2009 at 5:42 am
The emotion is running rampid in this poem. Its like images take over and you aren't even reading anymore, just reliving your own experience. Awesome job. Keep writing!!!!!
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